cryptography Memes

Base64 Is Not Encryption
Security Programming Debugging
4 days ago 62.6K views 0 shares
Base64 Is Not Encryption
Every junior dev thinks they've invented encryption when they discover Base64. The number of times I've had to explain that encoding ≠ encryption is probably why my hair's thinning. Base64 is just fancy dress for your data – anyone can undress it with zero effort. It's like hiding your house key under the doormat and calling it a security system. And the response is always the same: "Fine! I'll just use Base128 then!" Sure buddy, throw more digits at the problem. That'll fix it. Just like how writing your password in bigger letters makes it more secure.

Insecure Private Key
Security Networking Programming
6 days ago 69.4K views 0 shares
Insecure Private Key
When you mistake a celebrity's keyboard smash for your RSA private key. The irony is delicious - spending hours securing your system only to accidentally paste Lady Gaga's random tweet as your encryption key. The real security vulnerability was between the keyboard and chair all along. Pro tip: If your private key looks like it could've been generated by a pop star having a seizure on their keyboard, maybe double-check before deploying to production.

Strong Encryption
Security Networking Programming
6 days ago 73.8K views 0 shares
Strong Encryption
Oh no! Someone thinks base64 encoding is "strong encryption"! 🤦‍♂️ This is like putting your house key under the doormat and calling it a high-security vault! Base64 is just an encoding scheme that converts binary data to text - it's not encryption at all! It can be decoded by literally anyone with an internet connection in 2 seconds flat. The cherry on top is the user named "acidburnNSA" claiming it's "mathematically unhackable" - which is pure comedy gold! And then someone suggests base16 is equally secure? I can't even! This is the security equivalent of using "password123" and feeling smug about it!

The Future Of Mallory
Security Networking Programming
6 days ago 52.8K views 0 shares
The Future Of Mallory
Ah, the classic cryptography trio! In security modeling, Alice and Bob are the standard characters who want to communicate securely, while Mallory is the malicious attacker intercepting their messages. But here, poor Mallory has been replaced by The Atlantic magazine—implying they're now the ones snooping on everyone's conversations and spreading them to the world. Journalists: the new man-in-the-middle attack! Ten years in cybersecurity and I still can't decide which is more dangerous.

Programmers' Gambling Addiction
Hardware Security Algorithms Math Programming
12 days ago 79.8K views 0 shares
Programmers' Gambling Addiction
Oh. My. GAWD. This is Bitcoin mining in its purest form—the world's most RIDICULOUS lottery! Imagine being asked to guess a number between 1 and 10^22 (that's a 1 with TWENTY-TWO zeros after it, sweetie). The odds are so astronomically against you that you'd have better chances of finding a bug-free code on the first try! 💅 What makes this ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL is that this is literally how mining works! Your fancy mining rigs are just glorified random number guessers, burning enough electricity to power a small country while playing the world's worst guessing game. And for what? The CHANCE to win 3.125 BTC and validation from the blockchain gods! The "Sounds good" guy with his mining farm is all of us thinking we're going to strike it rich with our pathetic hash rates. Honey, you'd have better luck teaching JavaScript to a goldfish!

How Does It Keep Happening
C++ Algorithms Programming Debugging
19 days ago 86.3K views 0 shares
How Does It Keep Happening
That moment when you're just trying to write a simple loop but somehow end up implementing cryptographic-grade randomness in C. Nobody plans to become a cryptographer, it just happens while you're debugging pointer arithmetic at 3 AM. The worst part? You'll never be able to reproduce this accidental genius again. Your code is now simultaneously terrible and brilliant—Schrödinger's algorithm.

Passwords, How Do They Work? (Conversation With A Guy Who Has Been A Developer For 5 Years)
Security Webdev Programming Backend
1 month ago 104.3K views 0 shares
Passwords, How Do They Work? (Conversation With A Guy Who Has Been A Developer For 5 Years)
This conversation is what happens when you skip the "boring" security lectures in CS class. Our green-text hero thinks decrypting password hashes is just another Tuesday feature request, while orange-text is having an existential crisis trying to explain one-way functions. The best part? Five years of development experience and still wondering why we can't just hand out passwords like candy. That final "I can look it up anytime" after completely misunderstanding basic cryptography is peak developer confidence without competence. This is why your bank account gets hacked, folks. Because somewhere out there, a dev is thinking "who cares if you have the decryption algorithm" while building your financial app. Bruh indeed.

What Is This Qualification
Python Backend Cloud
8 months ago 15.9K views 0 shares
whatIsThisQualification | python-memes, engineer-memes, engineering-memes, crypto-memes, cryptography-memes, devops-memes, cs-memes, rust-memes, graph-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content Helpful Qualifications: You've recently graduated from a top engineering school (or are willing to drop out) Experience in golang, python, or rust Familiarity with cryptography or crypto-L2s Exposure to devos, statistics, and system architecture

Reddit's app is a joke, so is its code. (Actual reverse-engineered code)
Java Debugging Backend
12 months ago 24.2K views 0 shares
Reddit's app is a joke, so is its code. (Actual reverse-engineered code) | code-memes, java-memes, engineer-memes, bug-memes, loc-memes, string-memes, api-memes, class-memes, kotlin-memes, crypto-memes, reddit-memes, ide-memes, cryptography-memes, graph-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content libreddit-ndk.so - Hide stuff in native library! Nobody can ever read native code, no matter how simple! Put a dummy parameter in the calls from the Kotlin code so people will think something deep is going on: KeyUtil.decryptSigningKey("a0c1e177d7afd4faaaee14f6ef712917c576a33dccd7381c63fed3312658bd8"); Actually always returns "8c7abaa5f905f70400c81bf3a1a10175f72101041991f0c5240aa80c4d99d" string JavacomredditauthcommonutilKeyUtildecryptSigningKey(JNIEnvenv,jclassunused,jstringfakeandunused) char keystr (char )malloc(66) ; Malloc? It's just 66 bytes, use a local variable, stupid. for(int i 0; i 65; i) keystri mapkeyill; A substitution cipher.. height of cryptography in the year 300 BC. keystr 65 0; Null-terminate the string return env-NewStringUTF(env, keystr); Native memory allocations aren't garbage-collected, idiots, you need to call free() Now you're leaking memory on every single API request! String parameter is ignored, always returns "s3ybk2jbEg4BmxQqvqgXoGs3AOUHUH8y" On the Kotlin side we just change a few chars at the start and end of the dummy string: KevUtil. decryptiphyApKey( "uty893a3d7af d4faaaee14f6ef712917c576a33dccd7381c63fed331scukko8" ); surely nobody will notice the 'encrypted' parameters are remarkably similar: jstring Javacomreddit mediacommonapikeys KeyutildecryptGiphyApiKey (JNIEnv env, jclass unused, jstring fake and unused) char keystr (char )malloc (34); Again with the same stupidity for (int i 0; i 33; i) keystri giphymapgiphykeyi; keystr33 0; return env-NewStringUTF(env, keystr); Again the same bug. ProdrammerHumor.io

Google Side Channel Attack Holy Hell
Programming
1 year ago 15.5K views 0 shares
googleSideChannelAttackHolyHell | google-memes, crypto-memes, ide-memes, cryptography-memes, graph-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content OKNOW MY CRYPTOGRAPHY.0CAN IMPLEMENT THESE ALGORITHMS BY MYSELF FILJUST USEATIBRARY FOR THESE AUTH STUFF 34 34 ILLJUST USEALIBRARY FOR THESE AUTH STUFF 14 14 0.1 10 score 55 2 70 85 100 115 130 2 0.1 145

Cryptography explained in one picture
Programming
1 year ago 15.4K views 0 shares
Cryptography explained in one picture | crypto-memes, cryptography-memes, graph-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content Alice The key ProdrammerHumor.io Bob Prime numbers

Talk about RISC-Y business
Cloud
1 year ago 16.9K views 0 shares
Talk about RISC-Y business | software-memes, computer-memes, development-memes, engineer-memes, hardware-memes, crypto-memes, IT-memes, ibm-memes, cryptography-memes, graph-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content STOP USING RISC CPU'S ARE SUPPOSED TO DO MORE, MORE EFFICIENTLY BILLIONS in development yet NO REAL-WORLD USE for replacing INSTRUCTIONS with MORE REGISTERS Wanted to put a value somewhere on the processor anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called "EDX" OR "MEMORY" "Yes, please give me ZERO tools for cryptography. Please replace HARDWARE OPTIMIZATION with my own poorly written SOFTWARE" - Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged LOOK at what ElectricalComputer Engineers have been demanding your Respect for all this time, with all the HDL's and chip fabs we built for them (THIS IS REAL RISC ARCHITECTURE, DONE BY REAL ENGINEERS) ARM7TDMI Core Diagram IBM PowerPC 601 IBM 1992 A raw in uh orocessors given the name "hracles was announceo n may 2021 wo sanchoreo abolications can exchange dale without the systems Pacman edit i PPC601FD-080-2 .19425030KS ????? ??????? ??????????????? "Hello I would like to add two numbers together, let me just LDR LDR LDR ADD ADD STR" THEY HAVE PLAYED US FOR ABSOLUTE FOOLS ProarammerHumo