Rufus: The Shopping Assistant Who Moonlights As A React Dev

Oh. My. GOD. The AUDACITY of this job posting! 💀 They want the "top 0.01%" with IQs over 140 who work 80+ hours weekly and can "replace teams of 20 with their own mind" — but will generously give you $10k even if you don't join! How MAGNANIMOUS! 🙄 The absolute DELUSION of saying "AI writes better code than most devs" while hunting for superhuman coding unicorns who apparently don't need sleep, friends, or basic human enjoyment! Honey, if your AI is so amazing, why not just hire IT instead of demanding people who can "think 10 steps ahead and ship in hours"? Translation: "We're looking for desperate geniuses willing to sacrifice their entire existence for our startup that will DEFINITELY change the world economy... trust us!"

The great AI career pivot of 2025! While MBAs panic about ChatGPT stealing their PowerPoint jobs, developers are quietly rebranding themselves as "AI Experts" after watching two YouTube tutorials and adding a few API calls to their resume. Nothing says job security like slapping "AI" in front of your job title and charging triple your hourly rate. The best part? The MBA who demanded "AI integration" in your app can't tell the difference between actual machine learning and an if-statement with extra steps.

Nothing says "I care about this project" quite like a 47-paragraph ticket that reads like a doctoral thesis but was actually generated by ChatGPT in 3 seconds. You open it expecting clarity, instead you get five pages of corporate buzzwords, redundant acceptance criteria, and suspiciously perfect formatting. The real kicker? Buried somewhere in paragraph 23 is the actual requirement: "make button blue." Meanwhile you're sitting there like a rain-soaked anime protagonist, dead inside, knowing you'll have to parse through this AI slop to figure out what they actually want. The ticket looks impressive in standup though, so there's that.

Someone discovered "vibe coding" with AI and thinks they're a developer now. Next week they'll discover what debugging AI-generated code is like when their app crashes in production and the error message is just "vibes were off." The honeymoon phase of AI coding always ends when you realize the AI confidently wrote 300 lines of beautiful nonsense that imports packages that don't exist.

So apparently the secret to climbing the corporate ladder at tech giants is just shouting "AI" at every meeting. Parrot discovers the cheat code to instant promotion: just repeat the magic buzzword and boom—senior product director. This perfectly captures how every company in 2023-2024 collectively lost their minds and decided to slap "AI" on literally everything. Your toaster? AI-powered. Your shoelaces? Machine learning optimized. A feature that's just a glorified if-statement? Revolutionary AI breakthrough. The parrot wearing a graduation cap is *chef's kiss* because it implies zero actual understanding required—just mimicry. Which, ironically, is exactly what most "AI integration" meetings sound like anyway.

The evolution of software engineering in its natural habitat! First, we have the innocent "Software Engineer" - just a regular Pooh bear doing honest work. Then there's the slightly pretentious "Sr Software Engineer" - same bear, just wearing a tux and acting fancy because they learned what a design pattern is. But the final form? The "pRoMpt eNgiNeEr" with that cursed ransom-note typography - it's just a deranged panda typing "make me a website that looks like Amazon but better" into ChatGPT and calling it coding. The tech industry's equivalent of ordering a pizza and claiming you made dinner.