Only Thing That Makes This Dumpster Fire Usable

OH. MY. GOD. The Linux users have been BUSY this year! 🔥 A whole 41% increase in traffic on "that site" we're all thinking of but not naming? *dramatic gasp* While Windows users were casually browsing with a measly 14% increase, and Mac users apparently discovered the outdoors with their -26% drop, Linux enthusiasts were absolutely DEMOLISHING their keyboards at an unprecedented rate! Is it the terminal-based browsers for extra privacy? The fact that no one can see your screen when you're typing incomprehensible commands? Or maybe—just MAYBE—Linux users finally have nothing better to do since their systems are finally stable enough not to require constant maintenance? 💀 Whatever the reason, one thing's clear: when Linux users aren't compiling kernels, they're... um... "compiling" something else entirely!

Content Me: has 10 minutes until deadline Windows: I have decided that I want to update

That moment when you enable Secure Boot and your fancy RGB gaming PC refuses to boot up. The top panel shows Tom and Jerry eagerly pressing the power button, full of hope and excitement. The bottom panel? Pure panic as they realize they've just bricked their system. Secure Boot is like that friend who promises to protect you but then locks you out of your own house. Pro tip: always have a backup plan before messing with UEFI settings, unless you enjoy the thrilling adventure of rescue USBs and BIOS resets!

Content u k E Open Add to Favorites Compress to postcode file Copy as path Properties OneDrive 67 Show more options Enter Ctrl Shift C Alt Enter

The human brain: allocating 23% CPU and 2.4GB of RAM to thinking about sex, 8% to lunch plans, and a measly 2.4% to actually finding that seg fault. Meanwhile, writing documentation and unit tests are running in the background with 0% CPU utilization. Priorities perfectly aligned for maximum debugging inefficiency. The real kicker? Those embarrassing memories from 2007 somehow consuming 1.2GB of memory that could've been used to solve the actual problem. But hey, at least "Incoming Bowel Movement" is only using 0.1% CPU - small victories.

The guy isn't thinking about other women. He's having nightmares about Microsoft's latest move to force everyone into their ecosystem. First they made Microsoft accounts mandatory, and now the prophecy of subscription-based Windows looms on the horizon. It's the tech equivalent of watching a horror movie where the killer keeps coming back for sequels nobody asked for. Sleep well, fellow sysadmins... if you can.