Modern Web Vs. Government Time Capsules

What fresh hell is this? Someone decided to nest animations within animations, with timing functions that depend on each other, and then threw in boolean flags named "finished" and "finishedInside" because apparently we're writing code that doubles as an adult film script. This is the kind of animation code that makes you wake up at 3 AM six months later when the client reports that "sometimes the button jiggles wrong on Samsung devices but only on Tuesdays." The triple equality check is the cherry on top. Like, yes, let's make absolutely sure we're comparing the exact same type while the rest of this code is playing 4D chess with timing functions.

THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY of other developers using microscopic ant-sized fonts! I'm over here squinting so hard my eyeballs might pop out like a cartoon character, while they're deciphering code that looks like it was written for electron microscopes! 🔍 Meanwhile, MY coding font is so gloriously massive you could read it from space. Why? Because I'm not trying to impress anyone with how much code I can cram on one screen! My retinas deserve RESPECT and my optometrist deserves a BREAK! The duality is just *chef's kiss* - squinting in agony at their ant colony vs. examining code through a monocle like a distinguished gentleman. Font size is not a personality trait, KAREN!

The ultimate solution to your version control woes! This developer just wrote the most efficient .gitignore file in history: * (literally just an asterisk). Why waste time specifying hundreds of file patterns when you can simply tell Git to ignore EVERYTHING? Then just manually add the few files you actually want to track. It's like burning down your house to avoid cleaning it. Pure chaotic genius that would make any senior developer simultaneously laugh and cry.

Frontend devs looking at Apple's fancy new "Liquid Glass" design: *puts on glasses* Yep, just a 2px blur filter. The magic of tech marketing vs. the brutal reality of CSS inspection. Apple announces revolutionary design innovation, and somewhere a web developer is thinking "I could've done that with one line of code during my lunch break." The emperor's new clothes are just backdrop-filter: blur(2px); all along!

First frame: "Don't shoot! I am JS Developer" with hands up desperately trying to save himself. Second frame: "Explain promises" Third frame: "Shoot" The eternal struggle of JavaScript developers when cornered about explaining async concepts. Sure, they can write promises all day long, but ask them to actually explain how the hell that callback-escaping magic works under the hood, and suddenly taking a bullet seems like the easier option. The callback hell they were trying to escape just became an interrogation hell instead.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of still Googling "how to center a div" after 15 YEARS in this profession! 😭 Your FBI agent went from concerned to downright DISAPPOINTED watching your frontend struggles persist through the decades. The audacity of CSS to remain so utterly HOSTILE after all these years! Centering a div is basically the developer equivalent of trying to fold a fitted sheet - theoretically possible but practically IMPOSSIBLE without selling your soul to the flex-box gods. Even senior developers with gray hair and mortgage payments are still copy-pasting display:flex from Stack Overflow like it's their first day. The struggle is ETERNAL!