Make Webdev Great Again

Subtle genius at work here. In PHP, all variables start with a dollar sign ($), but the joke pretends it's because PHP developers are desperately chasing money rather than just following syntax rules. Meanwhile, JavaScript developers are over here using camelCase like they're riding economic humps to prosperity, and Python devs think whitespace will somehow pay their bills. The irony? PHP powers ~78% of the web, including Facebook, which literally prints money. So maybe those dollar signs were prophetic after all.

Behold! The MYTHICAL CREATURE known as the "entry-level developer" according to job listings! 🙄 You want to break into tech? HONEY, PLEASE! First, master 17 programming languages, 3 cloud platforms, every database known to mankind, and while you're at it, BUILD AN OPERATING SYSTEM FROM SCRATCH! The audacity of HR expecting you to wear a "Full Stack Developer" hoodie while carrying a "@SeniorDeveloper" bag and being SURROUNDED by tech logos that would make even a 20-year veteran break into a cold sweat! Entry level position: Must know JavaScript, TypeScript, Python, C#, Ruby, Angular, Node.js, AWS, GCP, Oracle, SQL Server, MySQL, PostgreSQL, Docker, Kotlin, Swift... and we're offering a WHOPPING $15/hour! But there's free coffee in the break room, so... TOTALLY WORTH IT, RIGHT?! 💅

Ah, the classic case of overengineering a solution for a problem that barely exists. Imagine using nanosecond precision for generating unique tokens in an app that only five people use, and STILL getting collisions. That's like bringing a nuclear warhead to kill a spider and somehow missing. For the uninitiated, a "nonce" is a number used just once in security protocols. Using nanoseconds (billionths of a second) should be massive overkill for uniqueness in a tiny app, yet somehow this dev defied probability itself. The cat's expression perfectly captures that moment of existential crisis when you realize the universe is conspiring against your code.

College professors living in 2010. Rejecting modern frameworks and buzzwords with a dismissive hand, but absolutely glowing at the prospect of making students implement bubble sort for the 47th time. Nothing says "preparing you for the industry" like coding algorithms nobody's written from scratch since the Bush administration.

BEHOLD! The most DRAMATIC hierarchy of developer suffering ever witnessed! 💀 While SREs at unicorn startups and embedded engineers at major automakers are mingling at some fancy tech party, our poor web dev hero stands ALONE with his party hat, having just completed the MOST GRUELING task known to mankind — a website for a local mom & pop jewelry store! The sheer AUDACITY of those tech elites to not understand the EMOTIONAL DAMAGE of explaining to Mrs. Jenkins why her nephew's "design ideas" won't work, or the EXISTENTIAL CRISIS of making a carousel that doesn't break on Internet Explorer! The TRAUMA of hearing "can you make the logo bigger" for the 47th time! Neighborhood web devs are the UNSUNG HEROES battling in the trenches of client expectations while the tech elite sip their kombucha in their ergonomic chairs!

THE HORROR! You leave your API alone for FIVE MINUTES and return to find 1,525 posts about JSON?! The absolute TRAUMA of being a developer in 2023! Every time you check Twitter, there's another trending topic about data formats. Like, can we please just have ONE DAY without someone having an existential crisis over curly braces and key-value pairs?! The backend devs are screaming, the frontend devs are hyperventilating, and somewhere, an XML enthusiast is quietly sobbing in the corner.