It's All Webviews? Always Has Been

Fashion designers create clothes. Programmers literally create dress code. This skirt is what happens when you wear your JavaScript minified in production. Sure beats the boring office attire—nothing says "I know what I'm doing" like wrapping yourself in hundreds of functions that probably don't pass code review. The ultimate power move is explaining to your date that your outfit has more nested callbacks than their entire codebase.

MongoDB's marketing team really nailed their priorities here. Forget trivial things like your compensation, burnout, or work-life balance - the only legacy that matters is knowing their database is "web scale." For the uninitiated, "web scale" became a tech buzzword after a famous parody video where a MongoDB enthusiast repeatedly screams "it's web scale!" while a MySQL user questions what that actually means. The phrase became shorthand for "sounds impressive but possibly meaningless tech jargon." Nothing says "I've made it in tech" quite like remembering marketing slogans instead of your actual life experiences. Your therapist would have a field day with this one.

The existential crisis every front-end dev eventually faces – CSS isn't some mystical language, it's literally just boxes inside boxes inside more boxes! The astronaut's revelation is every developer after their first week of actually understanding the box model. And that red outline? Chef's kiss representation of border: 1px solid red; – the universal debugging technique when your layout breaks for the 47th time today. Flexbox and Grid were just elaborate lies to make us feel better about arranging rectangles.

The code creates a sorting algorithm that's technically O(n) but for all the wrong reasons. Instead of actually sorting the array, it's using setTimeout() with the array value as the delay time in milliseconds. The smallest numbers appear first in the console simply because their timeouts complete faster! It's like telling your friends you've invented a revolutionary sorting algorithm, but you're actually just making each number raise its hand after waiting for X milliseconds where X equals its own value. Pure chaotic genius. The browser's event loop is doing the sorting for free! Computational complexity professors are currently rolling in their graves (even the ones who aren't dead yet).

Nothing says "welcome to programming hell" quite like getting a Stack Overflow link from some smug dev who's clearly enjoying your suffering. You're desperate, your code is broken, and this guy sends you to a 2011 thread where the accepted answer uses jQuery 1.4 and mentions Internet Explorer compatibility. The worst part? That sadistic smile when they know full well the solution hasn't worked since Obama's first term. And yet they'll still hit you with "did you try updating your dependencies?" while mentally adding another victim to their collection.

Ah yes, the newly emerging career field of "Vibe Coding Cleanup Specialist" – for when AI generates code that works but gives off bad energy. Soon we'll have job listings for "Legacy Comment Therapists" and "Whitespace Feng Shui Consultants." The real question is whether these specialists charge by the hour or by the number of "good vibes" successfully restored.