If You Can Dream It You Can Do It

Found the psychopath who codes in light mode! Next you'll tell us you use spaces instead of tabs and don't have strong opinions about bracket placement. The dark mode tribe has spoken - your retinas are clearly made of adamantium and your soul is suspiciously cheerful. The rest of us basement-dwelling code goblins will continue hissing at the sun and embracing our vampire-friendly IDEs, thank you very much.

When your job title says "Full Stack" but the reality is "All Stack." That moment when your manager points to the vast digital kingdom and says "you'll be responsible for all of this." From front-end to back-end, DevOps to database administration, and somehow you're also the IT support guy who fixes Karen's printer. The only thing missing from your job description is "ability to bend space-time to fit 80 hours of work into a 40-hour week." Recruiters call it "wearing multiple hats" but really it's "wearing the entire hat store."

Oh. My. GOD! The expectations vs. reality of code audits is sending me to the GRAVE! 💀 Top panel: The pristine, politically-charged algorithm that Elon thinks he'll discover in Twitter's codebase - a smoking gun that automatically deletes Trump tweets and bans authors! Bottom panel: The absolute HORROR SHOW he'll actually find - a cursed "isEven" function with a switch statement that returns undefined for 0, false for 1, true for 2, and false for 3. With a desperate plea comment "Please don't look at this" from some poor dev who KNEW they committed crimes against humanity! The reality of tech acquisitions: you pay $44 billion only to discover the backend is held together with duct tape, prayers, and questionable logic that would make computer science professors weep uncontrollably!

The Olympic sharpshooter progression we never knew we needed! First, we've got the elite marksman with VS Code - the precision tool for developers who want intellisense and pretty colors. Then there's Sublime Text - for the speed demons who think waiting 0.2 seconds for an IDE to load is basically eternity. But then... Notepad++ enters the chat. It's like bringing a Honda Civic to a Formula 1 race - somehow still has a cult following. And finally, the punchline - regular Windows Notepad. The coding equivalent of shooting with your eyes closed while facing backward. No syntax highlighting, no plugins, just pure text and tears. The weapon of choice for those who enjoy suffering or have a production emergency at 2 AM on a server with nothing else installed. And yes, we're deliberately not mentioning a certain editor that requires a PhD to exit. You know the one.

Ah, the classic "did you type your password too quickly? DENIED!" scenario. Twenty years in this industry and websites are still pulling this garbage. Some frontend dev thought they were clever by checking how fast you type your password, as if speed equals automation. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to log in before our coffee gets cold. The best part? The site doesn't even check if the password is correct - just that you didn't type it "suspiciously fast." Brilliant security theater from the same people who probably store your password as plaintext in a CSV file somewhere.

Ah yes, the mythical "full stack developer" – simultaneously playing the database cello, the frontend trumpet, the backend violin, and the DevOps drums while somehow keeping everything in perfect harmony. Just like Tom trying to do the impossible, you're expected to be a virtuoso at 17 different instruments while management wonders why you can't also conduct the orchestra and sell tickets at the door. This isn't development, it's a one-cat circus where your resume needs to list "juggling while on fire" as a required skill.