Test In Production: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

The standard IT support flowchart, as demonstrated by passive-aggressive waterfowl. First, ask if they've tried the obvious solution. Then suggest vibe checking their setup. When all else fails, make the universal hand gesture for "works on my machine" and walk away. Support tickets don't fix themselves, but neither do users who refuse to restart their computer.

The eternal dance of software development in two frames: a developer screaming internally while trying to estimate how long a project will take, juxtaposed with a project manager gleefully promising impossible deadlines to clients. It's like watching someone calculate the precise dimensions of a coffin while their boss is already selling tickets to the resurrection. The developer knows whatever number they give will be arbitrary and wrong, yet the PM has already promised the client they'll deliver a full enterprise system by next Tuesday. And thus begins another project destined to join the 70% that fail or exceed their budgets. But hey, at least the client is temporarily happy!

Oh. My. GOD. The DREAM of every developer on planet Earth! Imagine a world where you could just frolic through fields of code without those DEMONIC little bugs ruining your entire existence! Instead of spending 8 hours tracking down a missing semicolon, you'd be sprawled out in nature's IDE, peacefully napping with your laptop nearby. The sheer FANTASY of it all! We're out here debugging until our eyeballs bleed while dreaming of this utopian paradise where our code works THE FIRST TIME. Pure fiction, darling. Pure fiction.

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