My Thoughts On Seeing The Latest Discord News

A critical MongoDB vulnerability that sat dormant for 8 years (2017-2025) just got discovered, letting attackers yank out heap data like passwords and API keys through a malformed zlib request. The bug was literally committed in June 2017 and merged into production. The fix? Written in December 2025. That's an 8-year nap. But here's the kicker: there are over 213,000 potentially vulnerable MongoDB instances exposed to the internet. The punchline? "ensuring that this exploit is web scale ." 😂 For context, "web scale" is a legendary meme from a satirical video where someone hilariously defends MongoDB's design choices with buzzwords. Now it's come full circle—MongoDB's vulnerability is literally web scale with 213k+ exposed instances. MongoDB also claims "no evidence" of exploitation despite the bug being trivially simple for 8 years. Sure, Jan. Oh, and they haven't apologized yet. Classic.

OH. MY. GOD. That's not an eldritch ghost - it's a catastrophic memory corruption that's turned this poor laptop into a digital hellscape! 😱 The screen is LITERALLY BLEEDING corrupted data and random characters like some kind of possessed computer demon! And the file size at the bottom? "71,022 bytes" - that's not a file, that's a CRIME SCENE! The most terrifying part? The "Im Scare.mp3" in the file list - as if this computer KNEW it was about to summon the digital apocalypse! This is what happens when you try to exit Vim without reading the manual first! 💀

Someone just ransomwared your database and they're only asking for 0.0048 BTC ($150)? That's the digital equivalent of having your car stolen and the thief leaving a note saying "I'll give it back for bus fare." Detroit's cyber criminals apparently have the same pricing strategy as their street criminals - dirt cheap and oddly specific.

Ah, the future of security - where hackers don't even try to hide anymore! They just tweet your MFA code with a trendy hashtag. "Hey world, here's exactly how I'm breaking into someone's account right now! #VibeCoding #TotallyNotAHack" 👌 The best part? The timestamp is from 2025. Apparently in the future, hackers will be so confident they'll schedule their crimes in advance. Talk about work-life balance! And that verified checkmark really sells the legitimacy. Nothing says "trust me with your security" like paying $8 for a blue badge.

So Microsoft wants to eliminate C and C++ by 2030 using AI to rewrite their entire codebase. Because nothing says "brilliant strategy" like letting algorithms rewrite millions of lines of battle-tested code that's been running critical systems for decades. The hubris is *chef's kiss*. They're so busy flexing their AI muscles that they forgot to ask the most important question: just because you CAN automate the rewriting of foundational infrastructure doesn't mean you SHOULD. What could possibly go wrong with AI touching code that powers Windows, Office, and Azure? It's not like memory safety bugs are subtle or anything. The Jeff Goldblum meme from Jurassic Park is the perfect response here. They were so preoccupied with whether they could use AI to eliminate C/C++, they didn't stop to think if they should. Because replacing decades of institutional knowledge and battle-hardened code with AI-generated Rust (presumably) is definitely going to go smoothly. No edge cases, no undefined behavior gotchas, just pure algorithmic magic. Sure.

Dial-up internet connection dialogs were the loading screens of the ancient times. You'd literally have to input a phone number, hear the modem screech like a dying robot, and pray nobody picked up the landline while you were downloading a 2MB file. The best part? That "Save password for anyone who uses this computer" option was basically the original zero-trust security model... except backwards. Nothing says "cybersecurity" like storing ISP credentials in plaintext for the entire household to accidentally nuke your connection mid-download. If you remember this screen, you also remember the existential dread of someone yelling "I NEED TO USE THE PHONE" while you were 95% done downloading a Winamp skin.