I Think They Must Hire Him

Oh, the sweet revenge of the unpaid intern! This meme shows the command git add .env which is basically the digital equivalent of dropping a nuclear bomb in the repo. The .env file contains all those juicy API keys, database passwords, and secret tokens that should NEVER be committed to version control. It's like saying "Thanks for the experience, here's all your security credentials on GitHub for the world to see!" A perfect exit strategy for someone who worked for exposure instead of actual money. Chaotic evil never looked so satisfying.

Look at that URL parameter: isGina=false . Some developer really said "let's just hardcode user identity in the query string" and called it a day. Security through obscurity at its finest! Next time Gina forgets her password, she just needs to hack the URL to isGina=true and boom—instant access. Who needs authentication when you can just tell the system who you are? Somewhere a security engineer is having a panic attack while the intern who wrote this is proudly adding "implemented user authentication system" to their resume.

When your Discord account gets "hacked" and suddenly starts sending very legitimate messages. The classic social engineering tactic where someone impersonates a trusted figure (in this case Nintendo legend Shigeru Miyamoto) to manipulate you into financial decisions. Sure, I always take my purchasing advice from chat messages that contradict themselves within seconds. "Stop looking at sales... actually, pay full price!" Brilliant strategy there, totally-real-Miyamoto. Next they'll be asking for my credit card details to verify my Nintendo Loyalty Program membership.

OH MY GOD! Billionaire discovers basic database constraints and has a complete meltdown! 💀 The absolute DRAMA of someone who can launch rockets into space but apparently thinks the U.S. government is running their trillion-dollar operations on some janky SQL database without primary keys! Like, sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but the Social Security Administration isn't using phpMyAdmin they downloaded from SourceForge in 2003! It's giving "I just discovered databases exist and now I'm an expert" energy. Next revelation: the Pentagon doesn't store nuclear launch codes in an Excel spreadsheet! SHOCKING!

Oh. My. GOD. The AUDACITY of the security contrast! 💀 In the digital realm, we're over here flexing with SHA-512 encryption and hash functions that would make supercomputers weep into their cooling systems for bazillion years... meanwhile, real-world security is literally defeated by a group of teenagers with the revolutionary hacking technique of "pull harder." The digital world: "We've created an IMPENETRABLE FORTRESS of mathematical complexity!" The physical world: "Have you tried wiggling the doorknob? It's kind of sticky but usually works."

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of modern cloud architecture! First we're all like "let's just vibe code" because who needs structure or security when you're disrupting industries, right?! 🙄 But then reality SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE when you put on those glasses and suddenly see what you've actually created—"Vulnerability as a Service"! HONEY, your startup isn't being innovative, it's being a 24/7 all-you-can-hack buffet for every script kiddie with a keyboard! The transformation from blissful ignorance to horrifying clarity is sending me into orbit! This is basically every CTO the morning after saying "we'll fix the security issues in the next sprint" for the 37th time in a row!