The True Developer Dating Profile

Content When your code works too well Age: 250-254 Mood:Angry Gender: unknown Age:23-26 Mood: Neutral Gender:Male (0.97)

Content when your coworkers ask if you know who has been writing bad code all this time - Well, of course I know him. He's me.

Content Danny Thompson DThompsonDev 5h V 1 am helping someone learn the basics on HTML, they are in my local community. As he made his first Hello, World! He was excited! Then said "ok, this is easy. What do I type to make the whole website? 'Hello,site!'?" Someone is about to be real sad. Lol 96 17 150 1,011

Telling someone to "pipe it to cat" is basically asking them to take their output and show it on screen, which is like saying "show me that thing" with extra Unix steps. The beauty is how we've normalized saying absolutely ridiculous phrases with complete seriousness. Non-programmers must think we're in some bizarre cult where we pipe things to cats and fork children while killing zombies and orphans. And honestly? They're not entirely wrong.

Content Why someone would use as a first programming language: Python: For it's simple syntax Java: To learn basic computer science concepts C: See Java BASIC: They were in cryogenic storage since 1968 Bash: To make themselves feel productive Git: To actually, why would someone use Git as their FIRST language? HTML: To make themselves feel like a programmer CSS: To make themselves feel like a cooler programmer JavaScript: They have a really good idea for a website TypeScript: They have a REALLY good idea for a website Brainfuck: They want to gain new respect for Alan Turing C: Meth addict that needs the same speed from their language C: Cocaine addict that needs the same speed from their language Carbon: To get a head-start on the 10-year job requirement PHP: Masochism Fortran: Masochism but with a better paycheck Rust: Cult induction Microsoft Excel: To feel like a geek without being a programmer Game of Life: Ooh... pretty squares.

Ah, the infamous RFC 1149 (IP over Avian Carriers) - the networking protocol we never needed but definitely deserved. Some network engineer looked at carrier pigeons and thought "yeah, that's reliable infrastructure." The punchline here is brutal - a dead bird labeled as "packet loss." When your ping times are measured in hours and your data packets can be taken out by neighborhood cats, maybe fiber optic isn't so bad after all. Still better uptime than some cloud providers I've worked with though.