Stop The Functional Madness

Functional programming: where simple loops become philosophical dissertations on category theory. The cult that promised elegance but delivered AbstractWidgetLocalizerManagerFactoryBean instead.

You know you've reached peak programming enlightenment when asking for a simple function requires a PhD in mathematics and the ability to understand what a monad actually is (spoiler: nobody knows, they just pretend).

The functional purists have been making us write fold and curry functions for years while secretly laughing at how we've traded straightforward code for the privilege of feeling superior at meetups. And we fell for it. Hook, line, and higher-order function.