Software Bad? Let's Make It Worse!

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In a world where everything is becoming "as a Service" (SaaS, PaaS, IaaS), someone finally created the most useful service of all: rejection automation. This person's hoodie proudly declares their business model - saying "No" so you don't have to! For just $4.99/month, they'll decline all your meeting invites, reject pull requests with insufficient tests, and automatically respond "Have you checked Stack Overflow?" to all questions. The enterprise tier includes custom rejection templates and a "Maybe Later" option that recursively schedules itself to infinity. The irony? Their API documentation consists of a single endpoint that always returns 403 Forbidden.

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The five stages of developer grief happen in approximately 5 minutes flat. First comes the euphoria—arms raised, dopamine flowing, convinced you're about to build the next billion-dollar unicorn. Then reality strikes faster than a compiler error on line 1. Suddenly you're staring into the void, questioning your career choices and wondering if it's too late to become a professional dog walker. The gap between "I'm a coding genius with revolutionary ideas" and "I can't figure out why this basic function returns undefined" is approximately 300 seconds. It's almost impressive how quickly we go from tech visionary to existential crisis.

The eternal battle between readable code and cryptic shortcuts! That one dev who insists on using x , tmp , and mgr instead of userAccountBalance , temporaryStorage , or connectionManager . Future maintainers will spend hours deciphering what bm.prc() does while the original author smugly thinks they're being efficient by saving 17 keystrokes. Bonus points if they also comment with "obvious function, no explanation needed." Clean code isn't just nice—it's practically a moral obligation. Your colleagues aren't mind readers, and neither is your future self at 2am during a production outage!