Software Bad? Let's Make It Worse!

Homer standing proudly in his underwear is the perfect embodiment of that junior dev who just fixed a complex bug with... wait for it... a series of print statements. The dots between "I have solved the" and "problem" represent the trail of desperate debug prints that somehow led to enlightenment. It's the coding equivalent of finding your car keys after tearing apart your entire house. Sure, proper debugging tools exist, but why use those when you can litter your code with print("here1") , print("here2") , and the ever-informative print("WHY GOD WHY") ?

Content BROOKLYN ANTICAPITAL HABITAT DEFENSE SYSTEMS If open-source is so great then how come this app developed for free by hobbyists is slightly worse than the one developed for millions of dollars by an all-star team of designers and engineers?

The classic "non-programmer thinks it's a simple task" scenario! Client wants code that converts text numbers to digits, providing two examples with a cute heart emoji. Seems innocent enough... Then there's our hero, Leo, with the masterpiece solution: if-else statements that handle exactly those two examples, and if anything else comes in? os.remove("C:\Windows\System32") - because why debug when you can just nuke the entire operating system? This is basically every freelancer's intrusive thought when a client says "it should be easy for someone with your skills" right before describing a natural language processing problem that would require a PhD thesis to solve properly.

Content I'VE INVENTED A STRESS POWERED LIGHT BULB! IS IT PRACTICAL? JUST WATCH! EXCUSE ME, programmer WOULD YOU HOLD THIS, PLEASE? SURE! Social interaction

Ah yes, the classic "let's rewrite decades of legacy code in a few months" fantasy. For those who don't know, COBOL is the programming equivalent of that ancient Nokia phone your grandpa still uses – outdated but somehow keeping entire nations running. Converting tens of millions of lines of COBOL that handle checks notes just the entire Social Security system to Java is like trying to transplant a whale's brain into a dolphin over a weekend. What could possibly go wrong? Just the financial security of every retiree in America. The best part is the "DOGE wants it done in months" bit. Nothing says "I've never written a line of code in my life" quite like thinking you can replace a 60-year-old system that processes trillions of dollars before your Jira subscription expires. Fun fact: The last time someone tried something similar, they spent $100 million and got absolutely nowhere. But hey, this time it'll be different because... reasons.

Content What we think supervillains look like: What supervillains actually look like: Ethan Zuckerman, the man responsible for inventing pop-up ads, has apologized to the world for creating one of the Internets most hated forms of advertising! KNOW THE WORLD