Return True (But Make It Complicated)

When someone asks what you do for a living, and your brain immediately jumps to the most unnecessarily complex implementation possible. Like, congratulations on writing a function that could be replaced with return number % 2 == 0, but sure, let's hardcode ten separate conditions because that's definitely maintainable. Nothing says "I'm a programmer" quite like turning a one-liner into a nightmare that future you will curse at 2 AM during a production outage.