Meetings Suck, Productivity Rocks

Content The 3 stages of Programmer Young and dumb Motivated and hopeful Fuck everyone and everything

The corporate-to-English dictionary nobody asked for but everyone needs. After 15 years in this industry, I've developed a finely-tuned BS detector for job listings. "Cutting edge technology" just means you'll be using React like literally everyone else. And that "fast-paced environment"? Translation: your hair will be on fire while management keeps asking why you're not coding faster. My personal favorite is "urgent need" – code for "our last developer rage-quit and left zero documentation." The whole "rockstar developer" thing is particularly rich... sure, I'd love to work 80-hour weeks for the same pay as 40! And don't get me started on "self-starter" which really means "we have absolutely no idea what we're doing, but we'll blame you when it fails." Print this out and keep it next to your desk for the next time you're job hunting. You'll need it to decode what you're actually signing up for.

Content When you just declared a variable and the IDE is already complaining about how you haven't used it anywhere: We get there when we get there!

Content JPEG PALMOREN: HYDRAULIC PRESS V PNG PALMGREN: HYDRAULIC PRESS

Content master is widely adopted trunk makes sense main is not racist prod pro dev god even less characters mommy

Content DEFINE MADNESS COMPILE ERROR COMPILE ERROR MEANWHILE IN THE COMPILER EPR ERRI COMPILE ERROR COMPILE ERROR COMPILE ERROR COMPILE ERROR C'MON ALREADY!! HE RECOMPILED THE SAME CODE AGAIN, SHOULD WE STOP? ERK" MONKEYUSER.COM