I Love My Country's Job Market

The desperate plight of the modern developer captured in SpongeBob meme format! Mr. Krabs stands before a tombstone marked "#1 COBOL", contemplating whether to disturb the resting place of this ancient programming language for financial gain... before immediately diving in headfirst. COBOL (Common Business-Oriented Language) was created in 1959 and powers approximately 70% of banking transaction systems and 95% of ATM swipes. Despite being declared "dead" countless times, COBOL developers can earn $100k+ salaries simply because nobody wants to learn it anymore. The skills shortage is so severe that during the pandemic, several states desperately called retired COBOL programmers back to work. The grave-digging metaphor is painfully accurate - learning COBOL feels like exhuming digital archaeology, but the financial rewards make even the most principled developers reconsider their stance!

Nothing quite captures that moment of pure existential dread like realizing you just ran DROP DATABASE on production instead of your sandbox environment. The cat's face is literally all of us – that split second when your soul leaves your body and you're mentally updating your resume while simultaneously wondering if anyone would notice if you just... disappeared forever. It's the digital equivalent of thinking you're practicing your golf swing but actually launching a ball through your neighbor's window. Except instead of breaking glass, you've just broken the entire company. Whoops!

Content Debugging Idi:bg-ingl 1. Being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.

OMG, the programming apocalypse is HERE! 😱 Someone took Python, threw it in a blender with TikTok slang, Gen Z humor, and random nonsense, and THIS MONSTROSITY was born! We've got "glaze" instead of import, "ahh" as some kind of assignment operator, and my personal favorite - "just put the fries in the bag bro" as actual code syntax! I'm DYING! 💀 The "only in ohio:" conditional statement is sending me to another dimension. This is what happens when AI tries to learn coding from Twitter and Twitch chat simultaneously. Future job interviews be like: "Are you proficient in duke_dennis and baby_gronk syntax?" HELP!

Content Tech Lead: From now on we're going to start using programming best practices in the project. Me, with almost 20 years of experience:

The sacred rule of Git: force pushing is like playing with explosives. On your own feature branch? Sure, blow it up, it's your mess to clean. But on master? You've just committed the cardinal sin of version control. That -f flag might as well stand for "future regret" when you obliterate everyone else's work with your divine intervention. Nothing says "I'm the captain now" quite like rewriting shared history without consent. Pro tip: Want to make enemies at work? Force push to master on Friday at 4:55 PM and turn off Slack notifications.