Engineering Managers Be Like

Content THEY SAY ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER BUT I CAN'T STAND BEING AWAY FROM YOU... 2 I'LL SEE YOU SOON, BABY

Ah, the classic IT heroism gone wrong! 🚲 Picture this: IT department spots an outdated ODBC driver (that ancient database connector nobody remembers until it breaks) and thinks "I'll just quietly update this real quick!" Next thing you know, the production environment is doing its best impression of a bicycle crash - face-planted into the pavement with wheels still spinning. It's that special kind of tech disaster where everyone was just trying to help, but nobody thought to ask "hey, should we maybe tell someone before we yank out the digital rug?" The road to production hell is paved with well-intentioned driver updates!

BEHOLD! The two species of folder-namers that walk among us! In one corner, we have the innocent optimist who names folders with actual meaningful words like "memories" with ✨sparkles✨ because apparently their hard drive is a scrapbook from 2007. And then there's the keyboard-smashing GREMLIN who creates absolute abominations like "bsydvdkke" and then—THE AUDACITY—creates ANOTHER unintelligible folder name so similar that even the computer is throwing a tantrum! "b♪yd-dkkke already exists" it screams in yellow warning! This is why your projects are DOOMED. You'll never find that important file again. It's lost forever in the void of consonants you created in your 2am coding frenzy. Future you will WEEP.

The eternal debugging paradox: staring at broken code for hours, making absolutely zero changes, then hitting run again as if the computer will suddenly feel sorry for you and magically fix itself. It's like checking the fridge multiple times hoping food will appear. The digital equivalent of "have you tried turning it off and on again?" except you're not even doing that much. Pure developer desperation at its finest.

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Content Michael1979 Wanted: Computer Hacker Hi. I am Michael and I am pretty sure that the bakery across the street charged me for 8 croissants yesterday even though I only bought 7. To avenge this injustice, I need someone to help me hack into the bakery's computer and transfer the cost of a croissant from their account to mine. If you are good at technology, be outside the bakery at 5.18pm with a computer and we can carry out my plan. Here is what it will involve: We will be dressed as bakers so that people don't get suspicious (I will bring a spare baker's hat iust in case vou don't have your own) If anyone asks us what we're doing, just say, "We own a rival bakerv called Full Speed A bread and we are just checking out the competition" O L have memorised the Wikipedia page on bread so if they ask any detailed questions about bread, leave it to me If they ask any questions about bread that I can't answer, I will shout "RUN". That will be the signal that our cover has been blown and we need to get out of there If you do this job right and reimburse me for the croissant, I will see to it that you are rewarded. I will NOT pay you in money because that would leave a money trail that the police could use to track us down. However, since you are so interested in computers, I will pay you in floppy disks, like the one below. And don't worry, that's not the only floppy disk that will be coming your way. There are plenty more where that came from. Michael Re: Bakery Hack Hi. Michael again from the poster above. I have just remembered that I only have one baker's hat so you will need to bring your own. Hopefully this is not a problem. If it is. I could possibly borrow the protective headgear from my uncle's beekeeper's suit and you could wear that instead? I know this is not ideal but it will have to do Michael