Engineering Managers Be Like

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The so-called "advanced AI" for processing insurance claims? Just a Python script that flips a coin! The code imports the random module and uses random.choice() to pick between "deny" and "approve" with equal probability. Next time your claim gets rejected, remember it wasn't because of your pre-existing condition—it was because RNGesus wasn't in your favor today. Sophisticated machine learning my foot! It's literally the computational equivalent of "eeny, meeny, miny, moe" but with fewer steps.

Looks like someone tried to order dinner but got served a SQL error instead. The database is having an existential crisis about whether hot chips and gravy actually exist. That's the universe telling you to cook at home tonight. The irony of an app designed to feed you that can't even feed itself the right data. Press OK to acknowledge your hunger will not be resolved programmatically.

Hobby coders: pristine, well-groomed, and probably still think programming is "fun." Meanwhile, professional developers look like they've been through a hurricane while chugging energy drinks just to stay conscious. Nothing destroys your will to live (and your hairline) quite like that 3 AM production bug that "works on my machine." The transformation from bright-eyed hobbyist to sleep-deprived code zombie takes approximately one sprint planning meeting and two deadline extensions.

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