Don't We All

Ever had that fever dream where you're a web developer? The meme perfectly captures what would happen if programmers suddenly woke up as primates in some alternate universe. Your monkey friends would be like "This guy's babbling about JavaScript and React while we're just trying to forage for lunch." It's basically the reverse "Planet of the Apes" scenario - instead of evolving, you've devolved but kept all your coding trauma. Meanwhile, your new chimp buddies are living their best lives without ever experiencing the horror of dependency hell or that one bug that only appears in production.

Content Oliver Jumpertz oliverjumpertz Junior developer: if ... else if ... Senior developer: new ult(...) DecisionTree(..).case(...).case(...).defa Staff-level developer: if ... else if ...

The digital equivalent of meeting your past self at a crime scene. Nothing quite like frantically Googling an obscure error message at 2 AM only to discover you already asked and answered the exact same question 734 days ago. Your past self left breadcrumbs, but present you forgot the entire forest. The real kicker? You don't even remember solving it the first time. The cycle of debugging amnesia continues...

The classic Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote scenario reimagined as a programming loop disaster! On the left, Road Runner's code uses a proper while (not edge) { run(); } loop that will terminate when reaching the cliff edge. Meanwhile, poor Coyote is using a do { run(); } while (not edge); loop—checking the condition after execution. He's already run off the cliff because his condition check comes too late! The fundamental difference between pre-test and post-test loops perfectly illustrated through cartoon physics. The variable edge isn't even defined until it's too late, and by then gravity.js has already been imported!

Product manager: "The random function isn't random enough." Developer: "What does that even mean?" PM: "It needs to be more random. Make it randomier." The number of times I've had to explain that pseudorandom number generators are deterministic by design is directly proportional to my growing collection of gray hairs. Next they'll ask for the random function to generate numbers they personally like better.

Content Me when a collegue plans to refactor shitty code I made Don't touch my garbage !