Back In My Day: Binary Luxury

The corporate euphemism evolution is reaching transcendent levels. First, the blunt "You're fired" - direct, honest, brutal. Then the HR-approved "Your employment is hereby terminated" - because nothing softens the blow like formal language. Next, the galaxy-brain "You're job'nt" - negating your employment with grammatical war crimes. But the final ascension? "You're promoted to customer" - the corporate equivalent of "We're not killing you, we're just releasing you back into the wild." Somewhere, a technical writer is updating the company's API documentation: user.status = "customer"; instead of user.status = "terminated";

So you're telling me this "Super SWE" role wants someone who's done something remarkable, ships features before breakfast, has "undeniable proof-of-talent," believes in manifesting physical engineering futures, AND has built exceptional UIs... but LinkedIn can't even generate a job match summary because there's not enough information? Classic. The job requirements read like a tech bro's fever dream written at 3 AM after watching too many startup documentaries. "Go from 0 → 1 on an idea before breakfast" – buddy, I can barely go from 0 → 1 cup of coffee before breakfast. And "manifesting the future of physical engineering"? What is this, a software job or a TED talk audition? Over 100 people clicked apply though. Either everyone's delusional about their qualifications or we're all just that desperate for remote work. Probably both.

Content Finishing projects Abandoning projects Starting a new project before finishing the Continuously coming up with new ideas without doing anything

Ah, the classic "MVP" that management is so proud of. Two bikes duct-taped together with all the structural integrity of a house of cards built during an earthquake. The backend developer's purple bike looks somewhat functional but outdated, while the frontend is a flashy green monstrosity that barely connects to anything. And that REST API in the middle? Just plastic wrap and prayers holding the entire architecture together. Yet somehow this contraption is deemed "production ready" by people who've never written a line of code. This is what happens when the deadline was "yesterday" and the budget was "whatever's in the vending machine."

You know you've reached peak developer status when you put the function name INSIDE its own parameter list. It's like trying to eat a sandwich while you're still making it. The gorilla's intense stare perfectly captures the energy of someone who just wrote Helloworld("print") instead of print("Hello world") . That's not just a syntax error—that's a philosophical statement about the nature of reality itself. You're not calling a function to print something; you're calling a function named Helloworld and passing "print" as an argument. What does Helloworld do with "print"? Nobody knows. Not even Helloworld knows. This is the coding equivalent of putting your car keys in the fridge and your milk in the ignition. Technically you've used all the correct components, just in a spectacularly creative order that defies all known laws of programming.

Content trying to learn any programming language 100 come on just a little bit more almost there oh crap...