The Unholy Alliance That Powers The Web

The bread hierarchy has spoken! Behold the programming language bakery where HTML is that one weird flat bread that didn't rise properly because surprise it's not even a programming language—it's a markup language! Meanwhile, Python, Java, C++, PHP, and C# are all fluffy, fully-risen loaves ready to handle actual computation logic. The bread metaphor is painfully accurate—HTML provides structure but can't "do" anything without JavaScript kneading some life into it. Next time someone claims HTML is their favorite programming language, just point to this carb-loaded taxonomy chart.

Content when you genuinely like PHP Don't say anything Squidward, remember your karma Programi

Content PHP DEVS GETTING RIDICULED BY DUDES WHO CAN'T EVEN GET A REPLY FROM 200 COMPANIES

Ah yes, the classic "$800,000 bootcamp" that promises to transform you into a software engineer in just 3 months by teaching you *checks notes* approximately 87 programming languages, including some that barely exist anymore. Nothing says "legitimate education" like cramming Fortran, COBOL, and Assembly alongside React and TypeScript into 90 days. The "if you can't find a job you can spit on our faces" guarantee is the cherry on top of this scam sundae. Spoiler alert: The only thing you'll master in 3 months is how to lose $800K faster than a startup with free snacks and ping pong tables.

Content Clive Thompson pomeranian99 I'm bored of URL shorteners, so I'm gonna start using snipeyhead and mikelacher's "Shady URL": shadyurl.comcreate.php It takes any normal URL and turns it into something that looks like it'll click through to a super-dodgy site crawling with syphilitic javascript 100 ShadyURL Don't just shorten your URL, make it suspicious and frightening. http:www.clivethompson.net is now http:www.528.infocreditscorec1x4qqinitdownload Try another 4:45 pm 24 Sep 2020 Twitter Web App 43 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 175 Likes

OH. MY. GOD. This flowchart is the MOST SAVAGE roast of programming languages I've ever witnessed! 💀 Want to make money but you're dumb? JavaScript it is! No friends? PHP is your soulmate! Like snakes? PYTHON, OBVIOUSLY! 🐍 The audacity of asking "Are you even a human?" before recommending Perl is just... *chef's kiss*. And don't get me started on how C++ is for people who don't want to be happy. THE TRUTH HURTS! This flowchart doesn't just choose a programming language for you—it reads your entire personality and then DRAGS IT across the floor! Whoever made this woke up and chose violence. Period.