Friday Motivation: No Excuse Too Absurd

Content 3:19 Skill Requirements: ava Spring SOL JavaScript ECMAScript One of React or Angular Ajax Fetch Promises HTML 5 CSS 3, CSS 4 ison XML Git Linux CLI tools Qualification Pluses: Experience with SAP Commerce Cloud (Hvbris) Experience with Atlassian toolset Jira, Confluence, BitBucket, Bamboo) Experience working with high-volume websites, preferably e-commerce, consumer-facing in a multi- channelmulti-brand environment. Experience with native mobile applications Experience with Oracle database and PLSOL Experience with Tomcat application engine Experience with bash scripting Experience with Dynatrace Experience with nqinx Experience with Node.is Experience with ReactS Experience with Angular Experience with Mustache Experience with SASS, Less Apply Now Experience with babel

Java sitting at 174 points like it's collecting war crimes. SQL and PHP are basically tied for "I'm not proud of what I've done" at 58 and 52 respectively. Python's surprisingly low at 12—guess people are too busy writing one-liners to feel ashamed. But the real plot twist? JavaScript only has 6 shame points. Either JS developers have achieved enlightenment and transcended shame, or they've been doing it wrong for so long that they've simply forgotten what good code looks like. My money's on the latter. Fortran and COBOL making the list is chef's kiss—respect to the ancient ones still maintaining that legacy banking system from 1972. MATLAB bringing up the rear with 2 points because the three people still using it are too busy with matrix multiplication to care about shame.

Content STOP using OOP Object-Oriented Programming ENCAPSULATES your data, RESTRICTING its flow over your program. Let natural selection take its course and randomly choose which of your arbitrarily-named local and global variables to use. Object-Oriented Programming ABSTRACTS data, CONCEALING it from the rest of your program. How do YOU feel knowing the goverment hides data from YOU? Your classes feel the same way. Object-Oriented Programming INHERITS its data, STEALING them from your other classes and passing it off as its own. YOU wouldn't like it if someone stole YOUR code and said it was theirs! Your base classes don't like it either. Object-Oriented Programming makes your classes POLYMORPHIC, treating derived classes as LESS THAN THEY ARE. Interpreting your classes as something they are not is demeaning. It also takes away the STRUCTURE and VERBOSITY that casting and conversion functions create. This is an example of the beauty, simplicity, and elegance of normal, procedural programming. include iostream int main() std:: cout "Hello, World!" std::endl; return OF This is an example of the horrors that OOP creates. This dark-mode friendly propaganda brought to you by the "Go is not 00P as it does not support key OOP concepts such as true polymorphism or inheritance, instead relying on method-based interfaces to pass similar structures" gang

This meme is the perfect cheat sheet for how different programming languages solve problems—and boy, is it accurate! C keeps it simple with a direct approach. Python, being Python, just imports a solver because why reinvent the wheel? Linux users chain together commands like they're assembling IKEA furniture with a Swiss Army knife. Then there's PHP—stuck at "Problem" with no solution in sight. Classic PHP. C++ takes the cake though—creating a new problem with each solution. And C#? Three pricing tiers for essentially the same solution because Microsoft gonna Microsoft. Rust is so obsessed with safety it needs to remind you the solution is rust-approved. And JavaScript? That escalated quickly—one problem fractures into an exponential nightmare of dependency hell. Choose your fighter wisely, folks. Your sanity depends on it.

Imagine being so blessed that the universe itself conspires to save you from a lifetime of dollar signs and semicolons. Three stars aligned at birth—not to grant you superpowers, but to spare you from the existential dread of maintaining legacy PHP codebases. The mother's prophecy is both a blessing and a roast of an entire language. It's like the programming equivalent of "my child will never have to work in the mines." Sure, PHP powers like 77% of the web (WordPress, we see you), but apparently even celestial bodies think you deserve better career prospects. Plot twist: He probably ended up writing JavaScript professionally instead, which is arguably just trading one existential crisis for another. The stars can only do so much.

The generational wealth gap summarized in one devastating image. Parents in their 30s: buying houses, starting families, living the American Dream. You in your 30s: surrounded by every programming language known to humanity, desperately asking ChatGPT to debug your life choices. The transformation from confident human to unhinged creature really captures the essence of learning your 47th framework this year while rent keeps going up. Python, Java, C++, JavaScript, TypeScript, PHP, Kotlin, Swift, Go, Lua, and whatever those other logos are—you've mastered them all, yet somehow house.value still returns undefined . Your parents bought property with a handshake and a steady job. You? You're fluent in 15 languages and still can't afford a down payment. At least ChatGPT understands your pain, even if it can't fix the housing market.