Worlds Best Programmer Strikes Again

Content There's a repo on Github containing some scripts used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xXx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those Reply 4 10.3k J

Why bother with classic SQL injection when you can just name your branch '; DROP TABLE users; -- and watch the CI/CD pipeline implode? Security teams hate this one weird trick. It's like finding a backdoor to the backdoor. Advanced hackers have moved beyond databases—they're targeting your version control system with the digital equivalent of naming your Wi-Fi "FBI Surveillance Van #7".

Content rAskReddit Posted b utakiniteasv88 11h The internet is scheduled to go down forever. You have a week to prepare and download anything from the web you think is necessary to have for the rest of your life. What do you download and why? 10 18 13 17 5 48.8k 7.1k Share BEST NEW TOP cbite 9h , 3 Awards Every How-To book ever written. At this point, the only way the internet is shutting down is if the world is ending. Gotta know how to start over. Reply 9.9k Rosehawka 6h . 3 Awards "Are we putting "python for dummies" or "intro to c" on the fire tonight, darling?"

OH. MY. GOD. This is what happens when you let a database admin design a clock! The numbers are in complete chaos because some SQL-obsessed maniac decided to ORDER BY DIGIT NAME DESC instead of, you know, ACTUAL NUMERICAL ORDER like a SANE HUMAN BEING! The SQL query literally sorted the digits by their spelled-out names in descending order, so "twelve" comes before "three" which comes before "ten" and so on. Can you imagine trying to tell time on this monstrosity?! It's like asking what time it is and getting back "SELECT CURRENT_TIME FROM REALITY WHERE SANITY = NULL"!

Content MAY 13 Neha M. (SheHer) 1:15 AM SWE Early Career I hope this message finds you well! While I realize you may not be in the job market right now - you definitely have an impressive software engineering skill set that's great for what we have currently in the mix here Google! Please share your email and let me know if you're interested in an informal 15-20 min chat, as I'd love to learn more about what you are currently working on and what you're interested in developing in your next role. Best Regards! Recruiting Specialist - Google Recruiting careers.dooale.com Write a message... ProdrammerHumor.io

Content When you found out random number aren't actually random Those bastards lied to me PS Express