Connectionless

When your severance package includes five minutes of unsupervised access to the data center... Revenge is a dish best served with unplugged cables. The perfect digital equivalent of taking your stapler when you leave. "You can't fire me, but I can fire your uptime!" Somewhere, a DevOps team is having the worst day of their lives while an ex-employee is having the best one of theirs.

The eternal lie we tell ourselves: "It works on my machine!" Left side: Your code running on localhost - a magnificent beast with muscles that could bench press a server rack. Status 200, everything's perfect, and you're basically a coding god. Right side: The same exact code after deployment - a pathetic, malnourished doggo surrounded by CORS errors, cookie sharing issues, and bad requests. Suddenly your beautiful creation is about as functional as a chocolate teapot. The production environment: where developer confidence goes to die and debugging nightmares begin. But hey, at least it worked in development!

Frontend developers trying to access backend data be like: "I was THIS close to paradise!" CORS policy is that annoying bouncer that won't let your API requests into the club even though they're on the list. Nothing quite like spending three hours debugging only to realize you forgot a header in your fetch request. The browser's just sitting there like "Nice try buddy, no cross-origin requests for you today!" And the backend developer who set it up? Probably laughing while sipping coffee somewhere.

The classic web dev initiation ritual. You claim to know CSS but can't recite all 74 HTTP status codes from memory? *cocks gun* Shame. Next you'll tell me you don't know the exact hex code for "slightly off-white but not quite eggshell." The gatekeeping in this industry is getting more efficient - skip the whiteboard interview, just threaten them with fictional cartoon violence.

The infamous HTTP status code 404 - "Not Found" - standing proudly between its lesser-known siblings 403 and 405. When your non-technical mom asks why you're chuckling at a vending machine, how do you explain that the empty slot represents the digital void where your requested resource should be? It's the universe's way of saying "I looked everywhere and found absolutely nothing." After 15 years of coding, these little jokes are all I have left.

The networking equivalent of "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas." Instead of adopting IPv6 with its 340 undecillion addresses, let's just cram 200 million people behind one IPv4 address and call it "Continental Grade NAT." That rat's nest of cables is probably the debugging interface. $10M per year to maintain this monstrosity when we could just... use IPv6. But sure, let's keep the IPv4 zombie shuffling along until 2030. Network engineers everywhere just died a little inside.