In These Moments I Shall Pray

The evolution of Linux mail clients, as told by Winnie the Pooh's increasing sophistication. Thunderbird? Basic. Elm? Now we're getting somewhere. But telnet localhost 25 ? That's peak sysadmin energy right there - manually typing SMTP commands like it's 1985 and you've got something to prove. Nothing says "I understand the protocol" quite like handcrafting your email headers while your coworkers wonder why you're giggling at a terminal.

Just like how web developers handle paywalls versus open APIs. PC gamers casually sipping on their free multiplayer like it's tap water, while console players stare enviously from behind their subscription paywalls. The real irony? Both groups spend thousands on hardware upgrades anyway. It's like comparing nginx to a proprietary server that charges per request. "But the ecosystem is more controlled!" Yeah, and so is a prison cafeteria.

Ah, the classic "how to become a hacker" fantasy where knowing Vim is somehow equivalent to martial arts. This satirical masterpiece mocks those cringe-worthy "elite hacker" guides by combining actual technical concepts (DNS, root zones) with absurdly theatrical nonsense. The author brilliantly escalates from "learn Vim" to an international conspiracy involving the ICANN key holders (who are real, by the way), then devolves into a fever dream where Linux fanboys throw penguin-shaped ninja stars while Darude's Sandstorm plays dramatically in the background. My favorite part? The Nokia 3310 nunchucks—because nothing says "elite hacker" like weaponizing indestructible phones from 2000. It's basically what happens when someone watches Mr. Robot after chugging five Red Bulls and falling asleep with their mechanical keyboard as a pillow.

Someone asks why IT people are jerks, and gets the perfect response: an IT guy drove TWO HOURS just to push a power button that three people swore was already on. Trust issues? Justified. The first rule of tech support isn't "have you tried turning it off and on again" – it's "are you SURE it's actually on?" Four years of computer science education reduced to playing glorified electrician because users can't differentiate between a power light and their imagination.

Behold the ULTIMATE networking protocol fantasy! Child asks for a dragon, Santa says "be realistic." Then the kid asks for an MSRP 5090 router (which doesn't exist yet) and SUDDENLY Santa's like "what color dragon do you want?" 💀 Getting your hands on next-gen networking equipment is apparently HARDER THAN ACQUIRING A MYTHICAL FIRE-BREATHING BEAST! The absolute state of tech supply chains has Santa reaching for his magical dragon-summoning powers instead of dealing with backorders and scalpers!

When your security is so good even you can't access it! The joke here is playing on the concept of SSH private keys (already meant to be secret) and making them "more private" by adding more 's' and 'h' characters—as if whispering "shhh" makes your encryption stronger. It's the digital equivalent of putting your password in a safe, then forgetting the safe combination, then burying the safe in concrete. Security through obscurity and anxiety!