Async Memes

Posts tagged with Async

Why Is First Block Much Slower

Why Is First Block Much Slower
The first block makes 1000 network calls to add numbers. The second just adds them locally. And yet some developers will still ask "why is my code so slow?" while their app makes HTTP requests to add 2+2. It's like driving to the grocery store to use their calculator when you have one on your phone. Sure, both methods get you the sum, but one involves putting on pants.

People Do It For You

People Do It For You
When you need to check if a number is odd, but writing n % 2 !== 0 is too mainstream, so you create a 1.3M downloads/month npm package that emails Google and Reddit support to ask them. The function has 50 lines of code to send emails, parse responses, and return a Promise, when it could be a one-liner. Modern JavaScript development in its purest form - why solve a problem in 1 line when you can create an entire microservice ecosystem?

What's Its Name On Its Birth Certificate

What's Its Name On Its Birth Certificate
The keyword async is just the cool nickname. The full legal name is "Asynchronous." But what's await 's formal identity? The question mark perfectly captures that existential crisis. It's like discovering your friend's birth certificate says "Jonathan" when you've been calling him "Jon" for years. Turns out await doesn't even have a long-form name—it just sits there... waiting... for promises to resolve while refusing to disclose its government name. Classic commitment issues.

Purple Is The New Black

Purple Is The New Black
Ah, the famous Angular MaybeAsync type. It's like asking your junior dev if they'll meet the deadline—could be now, could be never, who knows? The perfect representation of modern web development: simultaneously promising everything and nothing. Schrödinger would be proud of this type that exists in quantum superposition between Observable , Promise , and pure chaos. After 15 years of building frontends, I've learned one truth—the only thing more uncertain than async code is management's understanding of how long it takes to implement it.

Here Lies The True Power Of Java

Here Lies The True Power Of Java
Java devs watching JavaScript desperately add async and multiprocessing like they're collecting infinity stones. Meanwhile Java's been handling threads since '95 and these JS folks are acting like they invented parallel computing. Next they'll "discover" static typing and call it revolutionary. The circle of programming life: wait long enough and your ancient features become someone else's breakthrough innovation.

Don't You Hate It When That Happens

Don't You Hate It When That Happens
Ah, the classic Teletubbies invasion of your codebase! The meme brilliantly shows how synchronous functions (a through e) work together in harmony, holding hands in a neat little circle. But then that one async function shows up and BOOM – suddenly your clean execution flow is replaced by an army of purple creatures taking over everything. This is basically what happens when you introduce that first async function into your previously synchronous paradise. One minute you're writing nice, predictable code where everything happens in order. The next minute you're dealing with promises, callbacks, race conditions, and wondering why your console is printing results in what seems like a completely random order. And just like Teletubbies, once async enters your codebase, it multiplies uncontrollably until your entire project is saying "Eh-oh" to debugging sanity.

Scary Turn It Off

Scary Turn It Off
Ah yes, the classic clickbait article about asynchronous operations where the numbers are completely out of order. Because that's the joke – asynchronous code doesn't execute in the sequence you wrote it. Your callback functions will return whenever they damn well please, just like these list items. The author didn't mess up the numbering; they're just demonstrating the chaotic reality of async programming where "3" finishes before "1" and your sanity slowly dissolves into a puddle of Promise.all() rejections.