What's Its Name On Its Birth Certificate

Content (10-4) g push -- force Counting objects: 27, done. Delta compression using up to 8 threads. Compressing objects: 100 (2727), done. Writing objects: 100 (2727), 4.66 KiB 0 bytess, done. Total 27 (delta 20), reused 0 (delta 0) remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: remote: View pull request for feature remote: https:bitbucket.org remote: To ssh:bitbucket.org 08f3705. .19abb3b feature - feature 1------1- 1--- - - - 1 - 1 n - pull-requests11?t1 (forced update)

The tech world's most reliable constant isn't Moore's Law—it's our ability to prematurely declare PHP dead while it quietly powers half the internet. From ColdFusion (1995) to ASP.NET (2002) to Ruby on Rails (2004) to Django (2006) to NextJS (2018), we've spent three decades confidently announcing PHP's funeral while writing our revolutionary frameworks that will "definitely replace it this time." Yet here we are in 2025, celebrating PHP's 30th birthday. The language that refuses to die despite our best efforts. It's like that coworker who keeps surviving layoffs despite doing everything in Comic Sans.

When your security audit consists of pressing "OK" and moving on. Somewhere, a security engineer just felt a disturbance in the force. The perfect mix of horrifying vulnerability and casual acknowledgment - just click "OK" and pretend you didn't see that any user could inject JavaScript and rewrite an entire website for years. Security through obscurity at its finest.

Content NODE MODULES MY CODE CODE FROM STACKOVERFLOW REDUX BOILERPLATE WEBPACK BABEL MY PROJECT What the hell is this?

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tcl: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Perl6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft ProarammerHumor.io

Programmer 1: *writes simple ternary operator to check if a number is odd or even* Random person: "gator hugger" Programmer 2: "That's JS's ternary operator, python works differently." Programmer 1: *creates unholy abomination that calls JavaScript from Python just to use a ternary operator* This is the equivalent of driving to another country because you prefer their traffic lights. Modern programming is just finding increasingly complex ways to avoid learning syntax differences.