Secret Code: The Hidden Message In The Kernel

Content This is a motherfucking website. And it's fucking perfect. Seriously, what the fuck else do you want? You probably build websites and think your shit is special. You think your 13 megabyte parallax-ative home page is going to get you some tUCKIng AWard Da1 mer vou can glue to the too corner of vOus 40-Dound 1Oue tile and 85 Do viiis give la a Done Shit's lightweight and loads fast Fits on all vour shitty screen Looks the same in all vour shitty browsers The mothertuckers accessible to every asshole that visits your site Shits legible and gets your fucking point across it you had one instead of just 5mb pics of hipsters drinking coffee Well guess what, mothertucKer: You. Are. Over-designing. Look at this shit. It's a motherfucking website. Why the fuck do vou need to animate a fucking trend-ass banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of shit? You spent hours on it and added 80 kilobvtes to vour fucking site. and some mothertucker jabbing at it on their 1Pad with fat sausage fingers will never see Not to mention blind people will never see that shit, they don't see any of you You never knew it, but this is your pertect website. Heres why. It's fucking lightweight This entire page weighs less than the gradient-meshed facebook logo on your fucking Wordpress site. Did you seriously load 100kb of Query UI iust so vou could animate the fucking backeround color of a div? You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a shitty webfont just so vou could say "Hi." at 100px height at the beginning of vour site? You piece of shit It's responsive You dumbass. You thought vou needed media queries to be responsive, but no. Responsive means that it responds to whatever mothertucking screensize its viewed on. This site doesnt care it youre on an iMac or a mothertucking lamagotchi It fucking works Look at this shit. You can read ; Courses I'm Currently Teaching (1995) Ithas content on the fucking ser Fall 1995 me click some bobbing button tr ILS tags nd make CS101: How to literally use for-loops CSSS9: You will seriously get rekt by this course dont take it Last edited: Sep. 29, 2016 Contact Information Phone: (333) 425-5253 Fax: (333) 888 - 3424 Email: john(at)university(dot)edu Oitice: Generic Hall. 41) M. N. Shamalayan M. N. Shamalayan. "Combining Neural Networks With Natural Language Processing to Optimize the Hitler Problem." (ICSE-1998). M. N. Shamalayan. "Using Unguided Prim 'Trees to Solve the Matrix Mul- tincation Problem" (OSS-2000 M. N. Shamalayan. Using Large Dataset Combined with Support Vector Machine to Solve the Ice-Cream Optimization Problem. (1051-2002)

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Content Programmers after realizing they spent 14 years improving their handwriting and now they only use keyboard:

Content MW I get declined from a job that I forgot I even applied to: Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had ProarammerHumor.io

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PH presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting(E ALL); ini set ("displayerrors", true); printi'7xml version"1.0" encoding "UTF-8" 7'. "In"):?

Content Started making it. Had a breakdown. Bon appetite.