This Post Was Made By The Javascript Gang

Oh. My. GOD! The AUDACITY of the tech world in one perfect image! 😱 On the left, some poor soul announces they've literally BENT THE LAWS OF PHYSICS by creating a TIME MACHINE—you know, just casually REVOLUTIONIZING HUMAN EXISTENCE—and nobody gives a flying function about it! Meanwhile, the person on the right is absolutely SWARMED with media attention for... wait for it... "7 JavaScript libraries you should know about." SEVEN! LIBRARIES! The horror! The drama! The sheer absurdity of our priorities as a species! This is why we can't have nice things like time travel, people! We're too busy chasing the next hot npm package that will be deprecated faster than you can say "node_modules"! 💅

Content Muahahahahaaa Replace a semicolon (;) with a greek question mark (;) in your friend's JavaScript and watch them pull their hair out over the syntax error.

Content How to fix any computer The Oatmeal Windows Step I. Reboot Apple Step I. Take it to an Apple store. v Did that fix it, No? Proceed to step a Did that fix it; No? Proceed to step a Step a. Format hard drive Reinstall Windows Lose all your files. Quietly weep. Step a. Buy a new Mac. Overdraw your account. Quietly weep. Linux Step I. Learn to code in C. Recompile the kernel. Build your own microprocessor out of spare silicon you had lying around. Recompile the kernel again. Switch distros Recompile the kernel again but this time using a CPU powered by refracted light from Saturn. Grow a giont beard. Blame Sun Microsusters. Turn your bedroom into a server closet and spend ten years falling asleep to the sound of whirring fans. Switch distros again. Abandon all hugene. Write a regular expression that would make other precrammers cry blood. Learn to code in Java Recompile the kernel again Cut thic time while wearing your lucky socks) Did that fix its Nor Proceed to step an Step a. Revert back to using Windows or a Mac. Quietlu weep.

Content Our app now has O errors, no problems to be found. Could you also fix the warnings OWLTURD.COM 18

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxX: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxX: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxX: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

The eternal truth of programming education: beginners gravitate toward random YouTube tutorials by enthusiastic Indian instructors, completely ignoring the senior developer with actual battle scars who sits right next to them. It's like having Gordon Ramsay offer to cook you dinner, but you'd rather watch a TikTok of someone microwaving a Hot Pocket. The 7-year veteran silently weeps as his hard-earned knowledge gets trumped by "Hello friends, today we will be learning..."