The Eternal JavaScript Rabbit Hole

Content my linkedin profile R, python, javascript, shiny, dplyr, purrr, ditto, egplot, d3, canvas, spark, sawk, pyspark, sparkly, lodash, lazy, bootstrap, jupyter, vulpix, git, flask, numpy, pandas, feebas, scikit, pm, bayes, h2o.ai, sparkling-water, tensorflow, keras, onyx, ekans, hadoop, scala, unity, metapod, gG, cc, krebase, neo4j, hadoop. I typically ask recruiters to point out which of these are pokemon.

Content Everyone: Fuck Facebook!! People who use React and Jest

Content Stephen Gower As someone who has been developing websites since NCSA Mosaic was the only browser available, I'd just like to say that I'm really fcking tired of all the smart assholes out there continuously developing entirely new ways to build web applications. It started simple enough, just html and javascript. Then Cold Fusion. Then java applets. Then java servlets. Then 5 or 6 different Java application servers, EJBs, JSP, struts, XSLT, PHP. But screw all of that. We need Spring. No wait, we need Ruby.and Rails. Wait, we need Query. screw Query. We need AngularJs, and Backbone, and Ember! The world just won't be right until we have 12 different ways to do the same thing in Javascript! Forget all those server-side things you learned. Node js is here! No-wait. F'ck Node. Use Google Go! Honestly how many times are we going to re-invent this wheel? Unless you stay current with all of this nonsense, you basically become unhireable. I'm sure some of you 20 and 30-somethings have already experienced some of this fatigue. Now just imaging 10-15 more years where every 3 years a good portion of what you learned before is now obsolete, and you'll feel like I do.

Someone just committed career suicide with the statement "java and javascript are literally the same" — a claim so blasphemous it's being documented under "Photos Taken Seconds Before Tragedy." The relationship between Java and JavaScript is like claiming a car and carpet are the same because they both start with "car." One's an island; the other's just visiting. The comment section is undoubtedly preparing pitchforks and compiler errors as we speak.

When your non-tech friend texts you at 2:12 AM about "lash maps" and your sleep-deprived brain immediately goes into developer mode. Sure, I'll explain hashmaps while you're planning your eyelash extensions. Nothing says friendship like explaining O(1) lookup time to someone who just wanted beauty advice. Next time I'll ask if they want to hear about binary trees while they're shopping for actual trees.

The eternal lie every "full stack" developer tells themselves before crashing into CSS reality. Sure, you can write beautiful backend architecture that scales to infinity, but ask them to center a div and suddenly they're googling the same Stack Overflow answer for the 47th time. The smile-to-panic pipeline is approximately 0.2 seconds when someone mentions "responsive design" or "cross-browser compatibility." Backend devs masquerading as full stack is the tech industry's greatest magic trick.