I'm Just A Poor Boy With Spinning Disks

The universal IT solution that works 60% of the time, every time: turning it off and on again. Nothing quite matches that smug confidence when you stroll into a meeting after "fixing" a critical system by simply hitting restart. Meanwhile, actual IT support people are chasing you down like "WAIT! We need to check the logs first!" Too late. I've already ascended to tech hero status with my sophisticated troubleshooting technique that dates back to the stone age of computing.

Valve Corporation, masters of creating legendary games but allergic to the number 3. They've given us Portal 1, Portal 2... then nothing. Half-Life, Half-Life 2... then radio silence for decades. Meanwhile, they're busy pumping out gaming hardware like Steam Deck and VR headsets with the sad stick figure muttering "i guess we make Hardware" instead of finishing what they started. The ultimate software development strategy: when you can't figure out how to count to 3, just pivot to hardware! Gabe Newell probably has a phobia of trilogies stronger than most developers' fear of touching legacy code.

First panel: Excitement! "WHOA!" Second panel: "THIS VR IS SO REALISTIC" - that moment when you're convinced the $3,499 headset is worth every penny. Third panel: Reality check. Bank account showing -$3499. Fourth panel: Crying through your $3.5k face computer while questioning your life choices. The most realistic feature of Apple Vision Pro? The ability to see your financial regrets in stunning 4K resolution. At least now you can cry in spatial computing.

The three-headed dragon meme perfectly captures the Jekyll and Hyde nature of Nvidia's RTX 4090 GPU. Head #1 is a beast at benchmarks and stress tests, crushing them with demonic efficiency. Head #2 maintains its ferocity while gaming, delivering monstrous performance. But head #3? That derpy little face trying to play videos without crashing is the true comedy gold. $1,600 for a GPU that can render photorealistic worlds but chokes on a YouTube video. Classic driver optimization priorities.

The eternal hardware flex vs. reality gap! When you're watching those VR optimization videos, everything seems so achievable—just tweak a few settings and boom, silky smooth gameplay! Then reality hits when some YouTuber casually drops that they're running a rig with components that cost more than your car. For the uninitiated: an RTX 4090 is NVIDIA's flagship graphics card (~$1600) and "9800x3d" likely refers to AMD's high-end CPU with 3D V-Cache technology (~$500). That's basically the computing equivalent of saying "yeah my daily driver is just a modest little Lamborghini." Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here with our GTX 1060s trying to figure out which settings to turn down so our headsets don't transform into PowerPoint presentations with extra steps.

OH. MY. GOD. Only 8GB of RAM in 2023?! The absolute AUDACITY! Chrome tabs are literally SCREAMING in terror right now! That poor cat's face is every developer who's tried running a modern IDE, three Docker containers, and Spotify simultaneously on 8GB. The RAM would evaporate faster than my will to live during a production outage! Gaming console manufacturers really out here thinking 8GB is luxurious while developers are begging for 32GB just to compile without their computer having an existential crisis. HONEY, I can't even open Slack without sacrificing half my system resources!