HTTP Status Code: 5070 PC Not Found

When your boss suggests "just restart it" to fix a server that's literally in pieces on the floor. Sure, let me just grab some duct tape, superglue, and perhaps a necromancer while I'm at it. Nothing says "IT emergency" quite like hardware confetti. The beautiful moment when "have you tried turning it off and on again" transforms from tech support mantra to existential question.

Have you tried turning it off and on again? Oh wait, you can't! Someone's kid built a "gaming PC" out of cardboard and paint. Complete with rainbow fans, a fake SSD, and what appears to be the Windows logo drawn by someone who had Windows described to them over a bad phone connection. The real kicker? It'll probably run Crysis better than my actual machine.

BEHOLD! The REVOLUTIONARY cooling technology that's sweeping Silicon Valley! Some GENIUS has placed an ice pack on their laptop keyboard because apparently their code is so blazingly inefficient it's causing thermal nuclear meltdown! 🔥 The sheer DRAMA of this desperate attempt to save a Lenovo from self-immolation! That blue ice pack isn't just cooling hardware—it's cooling the tears of a developer who wrote nested for-loops inside a recursive function! The laptop is LITERALLY begging for mercy while compiling what must be the most horrifically unoptimized code since the invention of COBOL! Next up: putting your laptop in the freezer because you decided to run Electron apps and Chrome simultaneously! REVOLUTIONARY!

"Ignore RGB" they said, as their PC case literally transforms into a miniature sun. That PC isn't running code—it's conducting nuclear fusion. The irony of developers spending $3000 on hardware just to open Spotify and VS Code is not lost on me. And let's not forget the temperature display showing what must be the CPU's desperate cry for help. Nothing says "I'm a serious programmer" like being able to toast marshmallows from three feet away while debugging.

The AUDACITY of the universe to take my wish so literally! 😭 Our poor Baby Yoda PC gamer makes a completely reasonable wish upon a shooting star for GPU prices to "go down a bit" and what happens? THE STAR ITSELF PLUMMETS! Meanwhile, GPU prices remain stratospherically high, causing our little friend to cry actual tears. The cosmic betrayal! The astronomical disappointment! It's like asking for a raise and your boss hands you an elevator button. DEVASTATING.

The eternal battle between PC and console gaming boiled down to cold, hard economics. Console players getting robbed twice - first for the hardware, then for the privilege of connecting to the internet they already pay for . Meanwhile, PC gamers smugly buying a game once and playing it forever (or until the servers die because nobody wanted to pay for maintenance). It's the digital equivalent of buying the cow vs. paying monthly for milk delivery from a cow you already bought.