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Buy a new mechanical keyboard and suddenly TikTok's algorithm knows you've joined the cult. Next thing you know, you're sitting in a coffin surrounded by keyboard enthusiasts asking about your switch preferences while your bank account is already dead and buried. The real RIP is your wallet after you discover keycap group buys.

Ah yes, the sacred ritual of choosing your RGB gaming PC based on magical programming buffs instead of specs. Personally, I'd grab that Pink one faster than a senior dev leaves the office before a production deployment. 50% less burnout? Sign me up! The Red one is just a glorified compiler that doubles as a space heater. Meanwhile, the Green PC's electricity bill is so low it makes solar panels look like a scam. And Dark Blue? Basically paying for Stack Overflow Premium and ChatGPT rolled into hardware. The real trap is the Yellow one. Reducing procrastination by 50%? That just means 50% less time watching YouTube tutorials that you'll never implement.

Turns out ChatGPT can't actually put on a hard hat and operate a crane. Who knew? Construction workers watching tech bros panic about AI replacing jobs are just sipping coffee and waiting for someone to fix the actual physical world when it breaks. Sure, AI can write your for-loops, but try asking it to install plumbing that doesn't flood your server room. Some jobs require calluses that silicon can't grow.

Ask Bing how to fix a production bug and you get... a hammer labeled "HARD RESET." Because nothing says "sophisticated debugging" like physical violence against hardware! It's the digital equivalent of kicking the vending machine when your snack gets stuck. Sure, turning it off and on again works 60% of the time, every time—but that other 40%? Hope you've updated your resume. The true senior developer move is pretending the server crash was actually "scheduled maintenance."

Ah yes, the classic "spend more time optimizing than using" paradox. Drop $3K on a liquid-cooled RGB monstrosity capable of simulating alternate universes, then waste half a day installing 147 Skyrim mods to make the horses look prettier and the cheese wheels more realistic. The true endgame isn't actually playing—it's creating a perfectly modded setup that you'll admire from the desktop before launching Steam to buy another game you'll never play. The modding itself becomes the game, and frankly, that's the most expensive puzzle game ever created.

That moment when your non-tech friend sees a 24-pin ATX power connector on the wall and thinks it's where you plug in your graphics card. Sure buddy, just jam your RTX 4090 right into that Bose speaker outlet—I'm sure your electric bill will only triple instead of burning down the entire neighborhood. Next they'll be asking if the ethernet port is for charging their iPhone.