Shame On You Boss

The sacred commandment of software development! GitHub Projects is basically preaching the gospel with this one. Pushing code to production on Friday is like playing Russian roulette with your weekend. That stick figure is all of us—arms raised in desperate warning because they've lived through the horror of fixing critical bugs at 11 PM on a Friday while their friends are out having fun. The universal developer trauma captured in one perfect tweet. Whoever deploys on Friday clearly wants chaos as a lifestyle choice.

Writing incomprehensible code isn't a bug—it's a feature. That senior dev who writes cryptic one-liners with zero comments? They're not sloppy; they're building their legend. Nothing says job security like being the only one who can decipher your own arcane syntax. Sure, your code review might be a disaster, but at least they'll remember your name when the production server catches fire at 3 AM and you're the only one who can fix it. Infamous is still famous in git blame.

The eternal duality of developer urgency! Your product manager frantically messages: "Need this PR merged ASAP!!!" But what they don't realize is you've mastered the art of interpreting "ASAP" as "As Slow As Possible." Like Skeletor here, you'll confidently declare your alternative interpretation before quietly slipping away into the shadows. That urgent feature request? It'll be ready when it's ready... which coincidentally aligns perfectly with your existing plans to refactor that completely unrelated module first. The best part? When they finally catch up with you three sprints later, you can just blame it on "unexpected technical complexities" and "proper testing protocols." Checkmate, management.

Ah, the classic GitHub existential crisis! Someone created a repo with the self-aware name "This project has no meaningful contribution to society" and then someone else opened an issue with the most dramatic comment possible: "We are in dire and immediate need of innovation." It's like showing up to a kid's lemonade stand and demanding they solve the global water crisis. The best part? The issue got 19 reactions and was promptly closed. Nothing says "welcome to open source" like passionate debates about projects that openly admit their uselessness. This is basically every developer's side project that started with "I'll change the world" and ended with "please don't look at my code."

Who needs romance when you've got abandoned projects, right? Nothing quite like the desperate midnight hunt through your GitHub graveyard looking for that one function you wrote 6 months ago. "I know I solved this exact problem before!" *frantically scrolls through 47 half-finished repos* The ultimate programmer relationship status: committed to nothing except finding that one piece of code you were "totally going to document later."

The ultimate power trip isn't becoming CEO—it's being the sole developer on your own repository. Nothing quite matches the thrill of creating a pull request, switching accounts, and giving yourself a glowing review before smashing that merge button. "Excellent code, me. Very clean implementation." Who needs code reviews when you can have a meaningful conversation with yourself? It's basically the software development equivalent of giving yourself a medal... while nobody's watching.