In Git We Trust

When LinkedIn meets GitHub, truth bombs explode! This genius "Senior Data Engineer" created a script that automatically commits to GitHub every few minutes—making his contribution graph look like he's coding 24/7. Little did he know his "10-minute hack" would expose the entire tech hiring circus. The second part shows a recruiter drooling over this fake activity: "We offered him $500k without even interviewing!" Because apparently, a green GitHub grid is more impressive than actual skills. Who needs technical interviews when you can automate your way to looking productive? Remember kids, it's not about building useful things—it's about making sure your contribution graph looks like a radioactive lawn.

The eternal cycle of side project enthusiasm. Top panel: Day 1, euphoric excitement, telling everyone how revolutionary your idea is and how you'll finish it in a weekend. Bottom panel: Day 3, staring blankly at your terminal as you realize you've created an unholy abomination of dependencies that would make Cthulhu weep. That API key commit to main branch? Chef's kiss of despair. The only thing growing faster than your git commit messages is your collection of Stack Overflow tabs.

The modern developer's version control system: ChatGPT. Sure, we've evolved from USB sticks to Google Drive, but some of us have ascended to a higher plane of chaotic development—keeping our precious code snippets in chat history with an AI. Nothing says "senior developer with impeccable practices" quite like frantically scrolling through your conversation history at 2 PM during a production outage trying to find that one clever function you wrote last month. Git who? Never heard of her.

The year is 2025. Microsoft has fully absorbed GitHub, and the dystopian nightmare begins. GitHub users cower in fear as Microsoft whispers "Come closer..." only to drop the bombshell: "I NEED YOU TO ADD IPV6 SUPPORT TO GITHUB." It's the ultimate plot twist! After all the fears of Microsoft injecting telemetry, ads, or subscription tiers into GitHub, they're just desperately trying to drag their acquisition into modern networking standards. Still running on legacy IPv4 in 2025? That's the real horror story! The internet ran out of IPv4 addresses years ago, but GitHub's still clinging to them like SpongeBob to his spatula.

Regular people worry about ignoring texts and relationships. Developers just want to know which files to add to .gitignore so their repo doesn't get cluttered with garbage. The sweet relief on that dev's face when he discovers he can ignore node_modules instead of pushing 500MB of dependencies to GitHub. Pure bliss. Meanwhile, his relationship status remains "it's complicated with package-lock.json."

Trillion-dollar companies running on code maintained by some sleep-deprived dev who's fixing bugs between Ramen meals. The backbone of modern civilization balanced on the shoulders of people who get thanked with GitHub stars instead of actual money. Next time your bank's app works, thank the ant-sized heroes keeping the digital elephant upright with nothing but caffeine and spite.