Git Merge Only

Ah yes, the four things that make grown developers cry. Toothpaste that can't go back in the tube, torn paper that can't be un-torn, scrambled eggs that can't be un-scrambled, and the dreaded git reset --hard HEAD~1 that just erased your entire afternoon's work because you forgot to commit. That last one hits different at 4:59 PM on a Friday. Nothing says "I'm in danger" quite like accidentally nuking your uncommitted changes. Pro tip: stash before you trash.

Oh. My. God. That existential crisis when you type git commit -m "" and suddenly you're Rodin's Thinker, contemplating the meaning of your entire codebase! 🤯 What do you even CALL that unholy mess of 47 unrelated changes you just made?! "Fixed stuff"? "Made it work"? The cursor just blinks there, JUDGING YOU, while your brain short-circuits trying to summarize four hours of chaotic coding into a cute little message. It's like trying to explain quantum physics using only emojis. THE PRESSURE IS UNBEARABLE!

When your PR shows "-9,953" lines of code and your manager gives you a thumbs up. Nothing says "senior developer" like knowing what code not to write. The most efficient code is the code that doesn't exist. Somewhere a project manager is frantically updating their burndown chart while wondering how to report "negative progress" to stakeholders.

Oh, the delicious irony! A team decides to DITCH AI coding assistants because reviewing AI-generated code is somehow MORE painful than just writing the damn thing yourself. It's like hiring a chef who makes you spend three hours fixing their burnt soufflé instead of just making a sandwich. But wait, there's MORE! The plot twist? Our hero here accidentally became a top 50 Devin user globally and is now pumping out 60 PRs a day. That's right—they complained about AI code being hard to review and then proceeded to become an AI code-generating MACHINE. The call is coming from inside the house! It's like saying "I hate fast food" while secretly working the drive-thru at three different McDonald's locations. The beautiful chaos of 2025: where we simultaneously hate AI coding tools AND can't stop using them. Pick a struggle, people! 🎭

Grammar corrections feel like getting shot in the face with a laser gun. Code corrections? That's just free QA. Developers would rather have their entire codebase criticized than deal with someone pointing out they used "your" instead of "you're" in the documentation. Priorities, I guess.

OMG, the EVOLUTION of code ownership in three acts of pure DRAMA! 🎭 Act I: Designers having an absolute MELTDOWN over similar ideas. One's all smug while the other is literally CRYING TEARS OF RAGE! The audacity! Act II: Programmers being utterly UNBOTHERED. "I stole your code" meets "It's not my code" with the emotional investment of discussing yesterday's weather. The NONCHALANCE is killing me! Act III: GitHub users achieving PEAK ENLIGHTENMENT. Not only is stealing acknowledged, it's THANKED FOR! This is the digital equivalent of someone breaking into your house and you offering them tea for reorganizing your furniture! Welcome to open source, where your precious code belongs to EVERYONE and nobody simultaneously. What's mine is yours and what's yours is... forked.