Git Merge Only

When Git refuses your push, there's always the nuclear option. First, you try to be civilized. Then Git has the audacity to reject your code. So you reach for the --force flag - the coding equivalent of bringing a knife to a negotiation. Sure, it might obliterate your team's work, but hey, that commit message wasn't going to write itself. Remember kids, with great power comes absolutely zero responsibility and potentially several emergency meetings.

Writing incomprehensible code isn't a bug—it's a feature. That senior dev who writes cryptic one-liners with zero comments? They're not sloppy; they're building their legend. Nothing says job security like being the only one who can decipher your own arcane syntax. Sure, your code review might be a disaster, but at least they'll remember your name when the production server catches fire at 3 AM and you're the only one who can fix it. Infamous is still famous in git blame.

Oh. My. God. The EVOLUTION of code sharing has reached its FINAL FORM! 🧠✨ First, we have GitHub - the BARE MINIMUM of human intelligence. Then Google Drive - slightly more evolved but still tragically basic. Taking PICTURES of your code? Honey, that's the digital equivalent of a cave painting! But the ABSOLUTE GALAXY BRAIN MOVE? Reading your code aloud and publishing it as an audiobook on Amazon! I am DECEASED! 💀 Imagine debugging by listening to someone dramatically narrate their if-else statements like it's Shakespeare! Next week: interpretive dance of your codebase streamed live on Twitch. I simply cannot with this industry anymore!

THE TRAUMA IS REAL! This poor cat literally had to BLIND ITSELF after witnessing your spaghetti code disaster! 🙈 The ultimate code review gone wrong - one glimpse of those nested if-statements and unhandled exceptions, and Patches was like "NOPE, I CHOOSE DARKNESS FOREVER." The eye patch isn't fashion - it's SURVIVAL EQUIPMENT. Your commit history is now considered a war crime in 37 countries. Even Git refuses to blame anyone for it!

Oh nooo! The ghost keeps saying "Boo" but the stick figure isn't scared... until they reveal their true horror - using zip files for version control! 😱 You know you've reached peak coding chaos when your version control system is just a folder of proj_1.zip , proj_2.zip , and the dreaded proj_last.zip ! The ghost couldn't scare them, but their file management made every developer scream in terror! Git commit or get haunted by your own file system!

OMG, the ULTIMATE programmer therapy session! 🦆✨ That rubber duck isn't just a bath toy, honey - it's the CHEAPEST THERAPIST in the coding universe! "Commit suicide" in programming means pushing your broken code to the shared repository, which is basically MURDERING everyone else's productivity. The drama! 💀 Instead, programmers use "rubber duck debugging" where you explain your code line-by-line to this judgmental little yellow friend until you realize your mistake was SO OBVIOUS the whole time. That duck will listen to your existential coding crisis without charging $200/hour or telling you to try yoga. Truly the emotional support animal programmers deserve!