My Job Is Done

When your junior dev creates a pull request without running tests, fixing linting errors, or even reviewing their own code. Just smashes that green button and expects everyone else to clean up the mess. And the worst part? We've all been that dev at some point. Nothing says "not my problem anymore" like a hastily created PR with the commit message "fix stuff".

The year is 2025. Microsoft has fully absorbed GitHub, and the dystopian nightmare begins. GitHub users cower in fear as Microsoft whispers "Come closer..." only to drop the bombshell: "I NEED YOU TO ADD IPV6 SUPPORT TO GITHUB." It's the ultimate plot twist! After all the fears of Microsoft injecting telemetry, ads, or subscription tiers into GitHub, they're just desperately trying to drag their acquisition into modern networking standards. Still running on legacy IPv4 in 2025? That's the real horror story! The internet ran out of IPv4 addresses years ago, but GitHub's still clinging to them like SpongeBob to his spatula.

The 2:34 AM text message that ruins your sleep cycle faster than a memory leak. Nothing says "professional workplace" like getting blasted for missing a meeting you weren't even invited to, followed by a critique of your commit messages that could've waited until business hours. The cherry on top? That passive-aggressive "YOLO" sign-off. Because nothing screams "I'm a reasonable team lead" like sending career threats via text message in the middle of the night and ending with 2010's most overused acronym. This is why developers keep their phones on silent and their resumes updated.

OH. MY. GOD. Someone just discovered GitHub isn't the download section of Best Buy! 😱 The ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of trying to find that precious .exe file on a platform that's LITERALLY DESIGNED for source code sharing! It's like walking into a library and having a meltdown because they don't sell hamburgers! THE HORROR! GitHub stores CODE, sweetie - you know, those magical text files developers use before they're compiled into executables? You're supposed to clone the repo or download the source and build it yourself like a grown-up developer! But sure, let's blame the "weirdest file sharing site" because clicking that big green "Code" button and understanding what a repository is would be TOO MUCH EFFORT! 💅

When your colleague asks about your Pull Request and you casually mention you were "vibe coding" while the stats show +93 lines added, -38,918 lines deleted. That's not coding to a vibe—that's coding during an existential crisis. Nothing says "I'm totally fine" like obliterating 38K lines of code on a Tuesday afternoon. Management will definitely not notice this minor refactoring.

The pain of revisiting your brainchild only to find it's been "enhanced" by the new maintainers is a special kind of developer trauma. You pour your soul into clean architecture, sensible naming conventions, and thoughtful documentation—then return months later to find spaghetti code, 1000-line functions, and variables named "temp1" through "temp47." It's like watching your elegant creation get transformed into a coding horror show that would make even Stack Overflow moderators weep. The git blame feature becomes your personal torture device as you scroll through the commit history and whisper "what have they done to you?"