Direct Pushes To Main Branch

Ah, the legendary "security by obscurity" approach! This poor soul thinks removing their password from a list of common passwords will protect them from hackers. Meanwhile, they're literally broadcasting their password ("dolphins") by showing the diff where they're removing it from the file. It's like putting a "DEFINITELY NOT HIDING MONEY HERE" sign on your mattress. The 263 thumbs up and 353 laughing reactions show everyone appreciates this spectacular self-own. Security experts everywhere just collectively facepalmed so hard they broke their mechanical keyboards.

OH. MY. GOD. This coworker just committed a CRIME against humanity! They aliased git push to git push -f ?! That's like replacing someone's regular coffee with ROCKET FUEL! 💥 For the uninitiated, git push -f is the NUCLEAR OPTION of Git commands - it FORCES your changes to the remote repository, OBLITERATING any commits that might be there. Your team's carefully crafted code history? POOF! GONE! VANISHED! It's basically telling Git, "I don't CARE what's on the server, MY version is the truth now!" This is the digital equivalent of setting your workplace on fire because you're tired of the printer jamming. That branch isn't just toast - it's INCINERATED, CREMATED, and scattered to the winds! 🔥⚰️

That face when someone suggests replacing Git with Excel. The silent scream of a thousand merge conflicts yet to come. Next they'll propose using PowerPoint for CI/CD pipelines because "it has nice transitions." Some people just want to watch the world burn—one corrupted spreadsheet at a time.

The GitHub contribution graph—where darker green means you're a coding machine and lighter green means you occasionally remember your password. The interviewer is confused because this guy's squares are dark green (meaning tons of commits) but somehow he has "less contributions." Plot twist: he's just really good at squashing 47 panicked debug commits into one elegant pull request. His smug "I got it right the first time" response is the programming equivalent of claiming you've never googled "how to center a div" or "what does NaN mean again?"

Start a project with clean code principles, design patterns, and a neatly organized Git repo? That's adorable. Fast forward three months and you're dual-wielding caffeine and questionable hacks while muttering " I solemnly swear I am up to no debugging ." The transformation from bright-eyed wizard with a spellbook of best practices to a sleep-deprived code criminal is inevitable. The only magic left is how your spaghetti code somehow passes all the tests.

That sweet, sweet vindication when you're falsely accused of breaking production with your commit. Nothing quite like the moment when evidence clears your name and the real culprit is found lurking in someone else's spaghetti code. Meanwhile, the entire dev team already sent you 37 passive-aggressive Slack messages.