Git Gud

Two fish cops showing a ticket for a "git merge conflict... 9999 lines" while Patrick Star looks horrified with "VIBE CODERS" caption. Nothing kills the coding flow faster than a massive merge conflict. Just another Monday where your weekend project collides with what your coworker pushed Friday at 4:59pm. Time to either become a farmer or spend the next 8 hours deciding which curly brace belongs where.

When your "quick fix" turns into a complete codebase overhaul! 😱 591 files changed and that +10326/-989 line count is giving me heart palpitations. We've all been there—start with "I'll just tweak this one thing" and suddenly you're six minutes into committing what can only be described as a code apocalypse. The commit message "HOLY F***" perfectly captures that moment of "what have I done" clarity. This isn't a commit, it's a manifesto!

When your commit history is less about productivity and more about spelling profanities with green squares. Nothing says "senior developer" like meticulously planning commits to spell "SEND NUDES" across your GitHub profile. Probably took more effort than the actual code it represents.

Ah, the Stockholm subway map - the perfect visual metaphor for what happens when you try to merge to main after just 4 hours of Git experience. That tangled mess of colored lines intersecting in chaotic ways? That's your branch history after you've discovered git rebase , git cherry-pick , and the dreaded git push --force all in the same afternoon. Trust me, kid. We've all been there. Your repo probably looks like someone dropped spaghetti on a circuit board. Just wait until you discover merge conflicts - that's when you'll really need this map to find the nearest bar.

That moment when you're faced with the eternal developer dilemma: spend an entire day making the codebase better or just slap together some hacky solution that'll come back to haunt you in six months. The hand reaching for that "minimum effort hack" button is all of us at 4:55pm on a Friday. Sure, you could refactor everything properly, but then your PR would be 2000 files and nobody wants to review that monstrosity anyway. Technical debt? That's a problem for Future You. And Future You hates Current You for a reason.

Ah yes, the two types of developers in their natural habitat. One proudly declares "I'm merging it. fuck the tests" with the confidence of someone who's about to create tomorrow's emergency hotfix. Then there's the reply guy claiming "writing testcases for your code is doubting your own coding abilities. it's a sign of weakness." This is the software development equivalent of saying "helmets are for cowards" while riding a motorcycle blindfolded. Future you will be sending past you very strongly worded Slack messages at 2AM when production catches fire.