You Know What I Mean

BEHOLD, the ENLIGHTENED GAMER who has transcended the mortal realm of day-one purchases! While the peasants scream into their headsets about game-breaking bugs, this ABSOLUTE GENIUS waits a full year like some kind of gaming investment banker. 💅 The rest of us? FOOLS! Paying FULL PRICE for the privilege of being unpaid beta testers! Meanwhile, this distinguished individual strolls in fashionably late to the party with all bugs exterminated, mods galore, and a discount that would make your wallet weep tears of joy. It's the software development life cycle but for your ENTERTAINMENT, darling! Ship now, fix later - except this mastermind refuses to be part of the debugging team without compensation! The AUDACITY! The BRILLIANCE!

Content Will Ye. 3rd Engineering Cohere Follow 17h Edited Back when I worked at Amazon as a software engineer, the CRAZIEST thing happened to me. Here's the story... I was working from home with my girlfriend (at the time), when suddenly I get an urgent ping from my coworker: "Our service is experiencing a SEV 2! We need all hands on deck!" Uh oh, our team's application has gone down! However, as I scrambled to figure out how to fix the issue, I smelled something burning from another room and heard a fire alarm go off. "Will! There's a fire! Help!" heard my girlfriend shout. Now I was stuck in a conundrum - restore a critical Amazon service, or put out the fire in my apartment? It was at that time I remembered Amazon's famous leadership principle "Customer Obsession". There are customers who depend on my team's application - I can't let them down! So I ignored the fire and my girlfriend's pleas, and started debugging the production issue. But all of a sudden, the smoke in my apartment cleared and the fire alarm fell silent. My girlfriend walked into the room, and to my astonishment, peeled off a wig and revealed herself to be Jeff Bezos himself! "I'm proud of you for being obsessed with our customers," he said, and gave me a 5 Amazon gift card. He then leaped out of my window and hopped into a waiting Amazon Prime delivery van that quickly peeled away. Even though I no longer work at Amazon, I'm so grateful for these experiences that taught me lessons I'll never forget. Agree?

When your code is so broken that even Stack Overflow can't help, just dump the entire codebase into an AI and pray. Because nothing says "professional developer" like outsourcing your debugging to a chatbot that will happily refactor your spaghetti code into slightly more organized spaghetti code. The modern equivalent of "have you tried turning it off and on again?" is now "have you tried asking an AI to fix it?" Next up: submitting your entire Git repo as a prompt.

Content You receive a bug report in production You cannot replicate the bug in development You can replicate the bug in production You cannot replicate the bug in production You can replicate the bug in production You cannot replicate the bug in production You can replicate the bug in production You cannot replicate the bug in production

Content Every Programmer: "Do what I WANT you to do, not what I TELL you to do!"

Ah, the pinnacle of frontend design! Nothing says "we care about user experience" quite like a date picker that requires you to assemble your birthday like a ransom note cut from different magazines. The month selector is having an existential crisis with "j", "nov", and "febr" trying to coexist with "octo", "em", and "uly". Meanwhile, the day field defaulted to zero because apparently being born on the 0th day of the month is totally a thing now. And let's not forget the year 1900 - perfect for all those 124-year-old users filling out your form. This is what happens when you tell the intern "just make it work" without code review.