If It Works, Don't Touch It

Nothing triggers that dopamine rush quite like seeing "Code compiled successfully." The rest of your day could be absolute garbage, your production server could be on fire, and your boss might be questioning your life choices, but for those brief 3 seconds after hitting compile... pure bliss. It's the closest thing to a functional relationship most developers will ever experience.

When you've been coding for so long that you start indexing real-world objects from zero. Normal people would call this the first step, but programmers know better—it's obviously step[0]. The contractor probably spent years debugging array out-of-bounds exceptions and now can't help but apply zero-indexing to everything they build. Just wait until they number the floors in their next apartment building: Ground, 1, 2... just to watch the mathematicians and Europeans lose their minds.

When your code is so broken even Stack Overflow can't help, just get a free vibe-check instead! The classic distracted boyfriend meme perfectly captures how developers will abandon actual troubleshooting for literally any distraction. Why fix your broken project when you can have someone validate your feelings about it? "Your code isn't bad, it's just misunderstood." Sure, and my 500 compiler errors are just being dramatic. Next up: "Emotional Support Developers" who just pat your back while you cry over your spaghetti code. $299/month, tissues not included.

The secret anti-aging formula they don't want you to know about: stop programming. Nothing ages you faster than debugging someone else's spaghetti code at 3 AM while chugging your fifth energy drink. The before picture shows a young developer (26.420% sure its Musk) in 1999, already showing signs of premature aging from all those PayPal all-nighters. Fast forward to 2020, and the man (99.6969% sure its Musk) has clearly delegated all coding tasks to junior devs. That's the real 10x developer move - not writing code, but avoiding it entirely.

Content Sasha Laundy SashaLaundy The best debugger ever made is a good night's sleep. Translate Tweet 7:19pm 1 Dec 2017 Twitter Web Client 173 REPLIES 5,911 RETWEETS 14,615 LIKES

Content SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT PROCESS 0. I can't fix this 1. Crisis of confidence 2. Questions career 3. Questions life 4. Oh it was a typo, cool