Well Well Well... If It Isn't The Consequences Of My Own Actions

Content YOU THINK READING THE DB DIRECTLY IS A VALID PART OF DEBUGGING? IT IS, AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING IT'S NOT.

Isn't it just wonderful how tech culture works? You can pull 80-hour weeks, sacrifice your social life, and earn that "Senior Distinguished Principal Architect" title with the compensation package to match... but push one tiny commit with a missing semicolon at 2 AM and that's your legacy forever. The industry has this magical ability to forget all your achievements but maintain a detailed historical record of that time you accidentally deployed to production instead of staging. Your Git blame is eternal, but your Git praise? Practically nonexistent. Next time someone asks why developers have impostor syndrome, just point them to this meme and walk away slowly.

Content RandyWatson 2y 1 Award You're just using the wrong strategy. When I was a new developer someone taught me the secret. You can't just post the question you want the answer to. That gets you nowhere. Instead, post the code you want fixed with some stupid question. Brag about how awesome your code is and even question why dumb developers don't use the techniques you are employing. The more condescending the better. The way you should phrase your question must incorporate blaming other developers for your problem like, "How do I make my awesome code work with this idiot's shitty excuse for an API that I'm required to use because my boss is a dumb ass Then post your code. Your code will be tuned to perfection by angry devs everywhere. They will explain every piece of it to you likely in the most easy to understand (think condescending) way they can because you're an idiot noob who thinks their code is actually good. This will not be a nice explanation, but will be super clear to make sure you understand what an idiot you are. Plus, you will get every finely tuned code snippet possible to fix your solution. You just have to ignore all the mean shit the devs say to take you down a peg. Ask an honest question as a new developer, expect one of two things to happen: crickets or an insult about how you didn't bother to search for the answer. Reply 1.4K

Content hole Haggis has a hole in his roof. He never fixed it because on rainy days it is too wet to work. And on sunny days it doesn't need fixing.

When someone asks if you're a "full stack" developer and you show them your scientific computing code with nested loops six levels deep. That's not what "full stack" means, but hey, the stack trace when this bad boy crashes will definitely be full! Those nested do loops are giving me anxiety just looking at them. The complexity is through the roof with all those orbital mesh calculations. Who needs clean architecture when you can just nest another loop and call it a day? The person who has to maintain this monstrosity is probably updating their resume right now.

The architectural equivalent of legacy code that nobody dares to touch. That useless balcony leading to absolutely nowhere represents those mysterious functions in your codebase that somehow keep the entire application from imploding. It's the digital version of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" taken to its logical extreme. Sure, you could delete that 200-line function with no apparent purpose, but what if it's secretly holding together your entire authentication system? Better leave it alone and pretend you never saw it. The true horror isn't the balcony to nowhere—it's the fact that every developer reading this just thought of at least three examples in their current project.