The Four Horsemen Of Software Development

The classic software development Schrödinger experiment: tests are both passing and failing simultaneously until you observe the coverage. Sure, the GitHub badge proudly shows green with "Tests passing" - technically not lying. Meanwhile, the 0% coverage badge silently screams "we wrote exactly ONE test that checks if true equals true." The digital equivalent of putting a single piece of tape over your check engine light and declaring the car "fully serviced."

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute TRAUMA of hearing "Move Fast, Break Things" for the 9,467th time! 😤 That phrase - Facebook's infamous mantra turned startup gospel - is the battle cry of every hoodie-wearing CEO who thinks destroying production databases is somehow "innovative." Meanwhile, the poor souls in ops are having ACTUAL HEART PALPITATIONS every time some "visionary" decides to push untested code on Friday at 4:59pm. The face in this meme is LITERALLY every sysadmin's soul leaving their body after hearing some fresh-out-of-bootcamp developer cheerfully announce they're "disrupting" the perfectly functional authentication system. PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS!

The devil's promise vs. F# reality. Sure, your kid will use "meaningful variable names"—right up until they discover functional programming. Then it's single-letter variables and ASCII art demons summoned directly into your codebase. Nothing says "senior developer" like code that requires an exorcist to debug. That ASCII devil is just the compiler's way of saying "I understand this perfectly, but good luck to the next poor soul who inherits this repo."

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The duality of TypeScript developers in their natural habitat: Top panel: The type-safety zealot who clutches their pearls at the mere sight of any . "ANY TYPE?? In MY interface definition?? How QUEER!! I shall report this abomination to management immediately!" Bottom panel: The pragmatist who's just trying to ship code before the deadline. "I guess we doin' JavaScript now" *casually drops blue ball of type-safety on the floor* The red triangles represent the bugs waiting to strike either way. Choose your fighter.

Content Failure is not an option