The Git Baptism By Fire

Writing incomprehensible code isn't a bug—it's a feature. That senior dev who writes cryptic one-liners with zero comments? They're not sloppy; they're building their legend. Nothing says job security like being the only one who can decipher your own arcane syntax. Sure, your code review might be a disaster, but at least they'll remember your name when the production server catches fire at 3 AM and you're the only one who can fix it. Infamous is still famous in git blame.

The sacred rule of Git: force pushing is like playing with explosives. On your own feature branch? Sure, blow it up, it's your mess to clean. But on master? You've just committed the cardinal sin of version control. That -f flag might as well stand for "future regret" when you obliterate everyone else's work with your divine intervention. Nothing says "I'm the captain now" quite like rewriting shared history without consent. Pro tip: Want to make enemies at work? Force push to master on Friday at 4:55 PM and turn off Slack notifications.

The pinnacle of version control laziness: just add * to your .gitignore and call it a day. Why carefully select which files to ignore when you can ignore everything and manually add each file you want? It's like burning down your house to avoid cleaning it, then rebuilding one room at a time. Genius time-saving strategy until you need to git add -f 500 files. Works every time, 0% of the time.

Finally, a Git command that matches what we're all thinking! This fake package lets you rewrite Git history to blame your bugs on someone else, complete with a savage "You're officially an asshole" confirmation message. Every senior dev has fantasized about this after inheriting legacy code from that one colleague who mysteriously left right before their spaghetti code exploded in production. The Linus Torvalds endorsement is just chef's kiss perfection - because nothing says "authentic Git experience" like casual profanity and shifting responsibility.

When your team says "don't force push to main" but you're feeling extra swole today. This dev is literally putting his physical strength behind his Git commands - because sometimes your code changes need the backing of 250lbs of leg press force to override those pesky branch protections. The perfect fusion of gym gains and repository dominance. Your merge conflicts don't stand a chance against those quads!

Someone just discovered that Git's developers have a bizarre obsession with bathroom fixtures. The "porcelain" commands are the clean, user-friendly ones you're supposed to touch, while the "plumbing" commands work behind the scenes where things get messy. This StackOverflow gem has been viewed 143k times because apparently thousands of developers were silently wondering why their version control system was named after toilet parts. Imagine trying to explain to non-tech people: "Yeah, I'm having issues with Git porcelain today" and watching their concerned faces. The real question is what other bathroom-inspired terminology we're missing. Git flush? Git unclog? The possibilities are terrifyingly endless.