Search And Destroy: Legacy Code Edition

Content STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed C is a LETTER, not a language Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN "I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE Look at what PROGRAMMERS have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS): FUNNY COLORED LETTERS 178 COMPILATION ERRORS??2?? A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGHT IN DOING while(true) print(money); THEY PLAYED US FOR ABSOLUTE FOOLS

Content If you can write one line of code without a bug, you can just ask easily write an entire full stack application without any bugs. CHANGE MY MIND

Going from Rust's memory safety back to C++ is like voluntarily choosing to juggle chainsaws after experiencing the bliss of juggling nerf balls. "Oh, you mean I get to manage my own memory again? And deal with dangling pointers? And segmentation faults? How... wonderful ." Nothing quite like the existential dread of realizing you've spent the last hour debugging an issue caused by forgetting to free memory that was allocated 500 lines ago. The compiler isn't holding your hand anymore—it's more like it's holding the door open to chaos and saying "have fun!"

Content AI can write code. We need write clear requirements, read and debug Al code. imaflip.com Managers don't need programmers anymore. We need write clear requirements, read and debug Al code.

The classic "read the error message" saga, but with DevOps flair! Developers see that pesky note about checking build logs before bothering DevOps, consider it for a microsecond, then immediately set it on fire and smile while their problems burn alongside their dignity. Why troubleshoot yourself when you can interrupt someone else's perfectly good coffee break? That suspicious smile in the last panel is the universal "I'm about to ruin someone's day with a problem I could've fixed myself" face. The DevOps team's collective blood pressure just went up and they don't even know why yet.

Ah, the classic tale of legacy code getting absolutely demolished by the corporate rebranding train. That poor school bus labeled "Expedition 33" is about to get wrecked by the "Oblivion remaster" locomotive. After 6 years of maintaining that undocumented codebase with duct tape and prayers, management decides what it really needs is a shiny new framework and complete rewrite. The devs who built the original system have long since escaped to better jobs, while you're left watching the inevitable collision between unrealistic deadlines and technical debt. And the best part? In two years they'll just rebrand the wreckage as "Expedition 34: Cloud Edition" and we'll do this dance all over again.