Who Wrote The Postgres Docs

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tel: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Peri6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft

The utopian future we could've had if SQL didn't punish us for that innocent trailing comma. Nothing says "welcome to database hell" like spending 20 minutes debugging a query only to find you left a comma after the last column in your SELECT statement. Meanwhile, every modern language lets you add trailing commas in arrays/objects because they're not sadistic. The irony? SQL was supposed to be "human-readable" but decided syntax errors were more fun than technological advancement. No wonder our flying cars got delayed.

Content Hey you going to sleep now? You read what Unity did right? Yeah I'm a backend dev. Don't care What if ElasticSearch started charging per query in production?

Content H..He. Hel.. OMG! His first words. Hello World! Programmer

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Content Cards Against Developers The us A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without An email about a critical production bug