When CRUD Spells Your Downfall

Content There's a repo on Github containing some scripts used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xXx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those Reply 4 10.3k J

Content 1 looked forwards in time and saw 78 billion futures. How did you see them all so quickly? I used shuf

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That moment of existential dread when you realize your "rock-solid" backup strategy might just be a figment of your imagination. You've been diligently setting up automated backups for months, but have you ever actually tried to restore anything? The character's wide-eyed panic perfectly captures that 3 AM realization that your entire production database is one cosmic ray bit flip away from digital oblivion. Schrödinger's backup: simultaneously exists and doesn't exist until you attempt a recovery.

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Content A guy enters a shop. The clerk ask him, "good morning Sir. How can I help you? What is your wish?" The guy replies with a strange pronuncation: "Uhee. Uhuh. Uhow", and moves his hands as to describe some box. The clerk did not understand and asks: "Excuse me sir?" The guy repeats his words and hand movements: "Uhee. Uhuh. Uhow" The clerk has no clue what to do and gets his boss. The boss shows up, greets the customer, and the customer goes again, "Uhee. Uhuh. Uhow". Boss and clerk are helpless, they bring in the trainee. The trainee also gets the show of the customer, runs into the store, hands something to the customer. The customer pays some amount, picks his goods and disappears with it. "And what did you bring him?" boss and clerk ask the trainee. Trainee replies with the same hand movement of the customer: "Uhee. Uhuh. Uhow" Bottom line: This is a practical "object oriented approach": Object-Oriented Programming and Java 2 Springer Uhee. Uhuh. Uhow. made with mematio