Little Tim tried to hack his way onto the nice list with a SQL injection attack, but Santa's not having it. The kid literally tried to use INSERT INTO [NiceList] SELECT * FROM [NaughtyList];--
to move everyone from the naughty list to the nice list.
The real kicker? Santa's running his operation on "several dozen interconnected Excel spreadsheets, like a professional." That's the most terrifying part of this whole scenario. Imagine tracking billions of children's moral behavior in Excel. Absolute nightmare fuel for any data engineer.