New Security Update At Work

Content Reddit 3 days ago Senior Internal Solutions Engineer Permanent Python Go React Redux Postgresal Database Experience level: Junior Our mission is to bring community and belonging to everyone in the world. Reddit is a community of communities where people can dive into anythin... ProdrammerHumor.io

Content Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble" "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew . Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half- caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht l'm keeping those

Content A Your connection is not private Attackers might be trying to steal your information from localhost (for example, passwords, messages, or credit cards). Learn more NET:ERRCERTAUTHORITYINVALID Automatically send some system information and page content to Google to help detect dangerous apps and sites. Privacy policy ADVANCED Back to safety

When a single question mark costs thousands, but developers are just nodding in solidarity. That feeling when your SQL query drops an entire database because you wrote DELETE FROM users; instead of DELETE FROM users WHERE id=?; and suddenly you're part of an exclusive club no one actually wanted to join. The "I destroyed production with a single character" fraternity has excellent company but terrible benefits.

Content IF THE WORLD WAS CREATED BY A PROGRAMMER In THE BEGINNINg, THERE WAS THE HEavEN AND THE EArTH BUT THE EARTH WAS FORMLESS AND BUGGY, WITHOUT DOCUMENTATION BY toggl AND THE PROGRAMMER SAW THAT IT WAS NoT GOOD. THEN YOU SAID "LET ThErE BE LIGHT! BUT THE LIGHT Did NOT COMPILE. On THE SECOND DAY YOU MERGE WATER YOU CREATE A HACK SO THAT LIGHT IS PART OF THE LAND TO CREATE DARKNESS, YoU NEED TO HIDE THE LAND, BUT THAT'S OK CAUSE CREATURES WONT BE ADDED UNTIL LATER. AND STACKOVERFLOW SAID IT'S FINE MAINES BUT BECAUSE OF THE DEPENDENCY, LIGHT BREAKS AS IS ACCIDENTALL LAND FLOODED YOU CHECK STACKOVERFLOW (IN THE DARKNESS IT's THE ThiRD DAY. YOU TRY TO ADD CREATURES YOU ADD THEM IN THE TURNS OUT THE CREATURES IN THE DARKNESS, BUT BROWSER USING COOKIES, THERE'S NO LAND WITHOUT WHICH UNFORTUNATELY NEEDED TO BE ADDED SOONER MAKES THEM MORTAL BUt The CLIent FORGOT To LIGHT, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE LIGHT BECAUSE OF THE MENTION THAT WATER. IT'S THE FOURTH DAY. YOU DECIDE TO USE C TO CREATE A BALLOON YOU ALSO USE STL TURNS OUT THE ISSUES FOR ABSTRACTIONS AND THaT INFLATES THE EARTH IT WORKS OUT GREAT WERE CAUSED BY THE WITH FLAT EARTH DESIGN COMPLICATIONS WHATSOEVER! IT'S ThE FIFtH DaY YOU START ADDING PEOPLE TO HELP You. ON THe SIXTH DAY YoU LOOk AT THE CHAOS YOU CREATED DANGLING YOU DECIDE TO CREATE THEM IN YOUR LIKENESS, WHICH IS A MISTAKE REACT REACT THEY IMMEDIATELY POPULATE THE EARTH WITH HACKS, FADS AND UNNECESSARY JAVASCRIPT LIBRARIES (FUCKIT.JS' QUERY YOU ATTEMPT TO LEAD PEOPLE BACK TO SENSIBLE PROGRAMMING, BUT IT IS TOO LATE- EVERYTHING RUNS ON DEPENDENCIES DAYTIMEAIR.JS HORIZON SEA.JS REALISTIC.WAVES.JS BETTERBANKS.J. BASE.JS ON THE SEVENTH DAY YoU REALLY WANT TO REST, BUT YOU NEED TO ORGANISE ALL You've CREATE GO TOGGL.COM

Content You see a bunch of numbers and words on the screen, but none of it really means anything to YOU. Mash on the keys. Leave the console alone. You don't think you accomplished much, but you feel better.