security Memes

Just Asking Out Of Interest

Just Asking Out Of Interest
The "asking for a friend" of development. Nothing says "I've already done something catastrophic" like a junior dev casually inquiring about API key removal from git history. That look from the senior dev isn't suspicion—it's the realization that the weekend is now canceled and the entire team is about to learn what a force push really means. Somewhere in the background, the company's security team just felt a disturbance in the force.

Game Dev Security By Anonymity

Game Dev Security By Anonymity
The ultimate security strategy for indie devs: complete market obscurity. Why worry about CVE-2025-59489 when your player count is firmly stuck at zero? That's not a bug, that's a feature! The vulnerability can't affect your users if you don't have any. It's like spending three years building an impenetrable fortress only to realize nobody wants to break in because there's nothing valuable inside. Security through unpopularity - the unintentional benefit of grinding away at a game that only your mom will play (and even she's just being nice).

The DDoS Attack Is Coming From Inside The House

The DDoS Attack Is Coming From Inside The House
OH. MY. GOD. The absolute HORROR of realizing YOU'RE the source of your own catastrophe! 😱 This poor developer just discovered their server is being BOMBARDED by an infinite loop they wrote themselves! That commented-out i++ is the digital equivalent of leaving your gas stove on while going on vacation! The infinite while loop keeps hammering their own server with requests because—SURPRISE—they forgot to increment the counter! It's like watching someone frantically call the fire department while holding a flamethrower in their other hand! The betrayal! The irony! The DRAMA!

What's Your Identity Theft Name?

What's Your Identity Theft Name?
Nothing says "cybersecurity expert" like revealing your email password to generate a cool hacker name! Next up: protect your Bitcoin with your mother's maiden name and the street you grew up on. The perfect security strategy for those who think "Matrix background = elite hacking skills." This is basically every tech-illiterate movie producer's idea of how hacking works. Just type faster and wear a hoodie!

Phishing Attack Immunity Through Digital Hermitage

Phishing Attack Immunity Through Digital Hermitage
The ultimate security strategy: complete email avoidance. While companies spend thousands on phishing awareness training, this genius discovered the impenetrable defense—never checking emails at all. Can't fail a phishing test if you're living in digital isolation! Your IT security team hates this one weird trick. Meanwhile, the boss is proudly shaking hands with someone who's not avoiding phishing emails through skill, but through sheer negligence of basic job responsibilities. Task failed successfully!

The Google Security Paradox

The Google Security Paradox
The duality of Google security: completely useless fence when someone hacks your account vs. Fort Knox when you're just trying to check your email on a new phone. Nothing says "we care about your security" like interrogating legitimate users while letting hackers stroll through the side entrance. The digital equivalent of TSA confiscating your water bottle while missing the actual threat.

Thoughts On A Physical Firewall To Prevent Tailgating?

Thoughts On A Physical Firewall To Prevent Tailgating?
When the network security team takes "firewall" a bit too literally! This is what happens when you ask the new intern to implement a solution for tailgating (when unauthorized people follow authorized personnel through security doors). Instead of a policy solution, they've deployed a wall of actual fire to prevent physical intrusion. Talk about extreme perimeter security! The sysadmin probably said "make sure nobody gets through" and well... mission accomplished. Zero false negatives with this implementation.

The Password Time Machine

The Password Time Machine
When GitHub asks for your password but you haven't used it since they forced everyone to switch to personal access tokens. The mysterious GitHub entity with its ominous backdrop demands credentials while the poor developer, blissfully unaware, types "coder" like it's 1999. Then reality hits - support for password authentication was nuked back in August 2021. That moment when muscle memory meets obsolete security protocols. Your fingers remember what your brain forgot.

Stop Over Engineering

Stop Over Engineering
Ah yes, the "security through simplicity" approach. Why bother with REST constraints, data validation, or SQL injection protection when you can just let users execute raw queries directly against your production database? Nothing says "I trust the internet" like exposing your entire database through a single endpoint. The best part? When your company inevitably gets hacked, you can just blame it on "those pesky hackers" instead of your API that's basically a neon sign saying "DROP TABLES HERE". Bonus points for hardcoding credentials in your source code. Because who needs environment variables when you can just commit passwords directly to GitHub?

Better Not Fire Anyone Now

Better Not Fire Anyone Now
The classic tale of hubris followed by reality. First tweet: "We patched every bug!" Second tweet (3 minutes later): "Someone SQL injected our login form." Nothing says "we're totally secure" quite like getting hacked minutes after your victory lap. SQL injection is literally in chapter 1 of "Web Security for Dummies," right next to "Don't fire your entire security team." The most secure system is the one that's turned off. The second most secure is the one where you don't tweet about how secure it is.

The Forbidden Connection

The Forbidden Connection
That laptop has seen things. Dark, unspeakable things. The kind of security vulnerabilities that make sysadmins wake up in cold sweats at 3 AM. It's either running Windows XP in a nuclear facility, storing the only copy of production credentials, or it's that one machine that somehow still runs the company's legacy COBOL app from 1983 that nobody understands but everyone depends on. The skull and crossbones is basically saying "this machine is one npm install away from causing an international incident." Respect the warning, people.

Software Development If Malicious Actors Didn't Exist

Software Development If Malicious Actors Didn't Exist
Ah yes, the utopian fantasy where we don't need to spend 80% of our development time patching security vulnerabilities and implementing authentication systems. Without hackers, we'd all be building flying cars and teleportation devices instead of arguing about whether to hash passwords with bcrypt or Argon2id. The most dangerous thing in this pristine cityscape would be a null pointer exception, and even that would probably just result in a polite error message rather than a system meltdown. Meanwhile, back in reality, I'm implementing my 17th CAPTCHA today because someone keeps trying to brute force our login page from an IP in North Korea.