It Really Happened

database sql Data types Bad practices Foreign keys Database administration Database design Data integrity Executive order String columns

Databases Programming Backend

1 month ago 80,376 views 0 shares

It Really Happened

database-memes, sql-memes, foreign-keys-memes, data-types-memes, bad-practices-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io

Ah, the classic database decree! On the left: "Foreign keys are illegal" and on the right: "All columns must be strings." It's basically the executive order that would make any database administrator contemplate a career change. Nothing says "I have absolutely no idea how databases work" quite like mandating string-only columns while banning foreign keys. Congratulations, you've just signed into law the creation of data integrity nightmares and query performance disasters! Next up: "NULL values are now taxed at 30%."

More Like This

We Have All Been Here

Databases Backend

2 months ago 11.4K views 0 shares

weHaveAllBeenHere | sql-memes, query-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io

Content Me after doing a simple SQL query (180654 rows affected) (I'm absolutely cooked)

This Surely Will Come Quite Handy

Databases Backend

5 months ago 6.4K views 0 shares

thisSurelyWillComeQuiteHandy | hacker-memes, password-memes, rds-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io

Content Adam Cerious Browtweaten Follow hacker: I have all your passwords me: omg thank you, what are they 4:34 PM Jun 5, 2023 126.4K

The joys of a robotics team

Databases Debugging Backend

1 year ago 10.2K views 0 shares

The joys of a robotics team | fix-memes, IT-memes, rds-memes, ide-memes, bot-memes, cs-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io

Content AMMERSMITH Henrik Yesterday at 7:02 PM how did you fix the going backwards and please don't tell me it involves negation Yesterdav at 7:02 PM It involves negation Yesterday at 7:04 PM I just decided the back of the robot is the front now ? 1 ProdrammerHumor.io

How's your day going? Me:

Databases Python Backend

8 months ago 22.2K views 0 shares

How's your day going? Me: | google-memes, sql-memes, string-memes, list-memes, date-memes, google search-memes, search-memes, train-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io

Content Google ora-02270: no matching unique or primary key for this column-list Remove ora-00001: unique constraint (sysc001690543) violated ora-06512: at Remove "sys.dbmssql", line 1721 sal create date ora-01861: literal does not match format string ora-06512: at Remove Remove "sys.dbmssql", line 1721 sql insert date sql date Remove Remove Google Search I'm Feeling Lucky

The Brain's Destructive Solution

Databases Programming Debugging Backend

21 days ago 76.7K views 0 shares

The Brain's Destructive Solution

The first three panels show organs doing their actual jobs—lungs give air, heart pumps blood, liver filters toxins. Then the brain, that magnificent organ responsible for all our intelligence, just says "Drop the database." It's the perfect metaphor for that moment when you're debugging for hours, and your brilliant brain suddenly suggests the digital equivalent of "have you tried burning everything to the ground?" Classic brain move—seven years of higher education just to suggest the SQL equivalent of a tactical nuke.

Santa Is Too Professional

Databases Security Programming

1 month ago 120.0K views 0 shares

Santa Is Too Professional

Little Tim tried to pull a classic SQL injection attack on Santa's naughty/nice database. The kid renamed himself to "Tim'); INSERT INTO [NiceList] SELECT * FROM [NaughtyList];--" hoping to move everyone from the naughty list to the nice list. But Santa's not some rookie DevOps elf. He proudly runs his global gift operation on "several dozen interconnected Excel spreadsheets, like a professional." The ultimate enterprise solution that's immune to SQL injection because it's too chaotic to be hacked. This is why North Pole IT has 364 days of downtime every year. They're still recovering from last Christmas.